Longing for a loving relationship? You are not alone.
Did you just take a mental poll and discover that you’re the only person you know not in a relationship?
Are you becoming more convinced with each passing, smiling couple that you lack what it takes to attract the attention of another? Resist the self-pity trap and consider this: Single does not have to mean lonely.
From high school students to hotshot attorneys, people all around you are not only single; they choose to be so. While it is perfectly acceptable to desire a happy relationship someday — or not — learn to enjoy your “you time”.
We all have a sort of mental checklist of the things we think we need in order to be “complete.” Mine looks something like this:
- Respect and passion for my profession
- A positive relationship with my parents
- Friend(s) with whom to share my interests
- …and yes, eventually, a loving mate
Yours probably looks a little different; that’s because your priorities are unique to you. The point is, you might be looking to fill the “mate box” when the other boxes deserve as much, if not more, attention in order for you to find satisfaction, or “completeness,” in your life.
Where Is the Love?
It’s important to understand the true reasons why you think you want to be in a relationship.
- Do you want to share your passion for life? Or do you want to share your social agenda and turtleneck sweaters?
- Do you hope to add something extra to your already balanced life? Or do you hope to bury your problems in the arms of someone who will only help you push them deeper beneath the surface?
Consider your reasons with great care. It might just be that a relationship only seems like a good idea because other people you know are doing it. Maybe for you, right now, being by yourself is exactly where you need to be.
Remember, there is much more to feeling “whole” than being involved in a relationship; look back at your checklist — what other boxes can you work on checking off? Are you still sitting there? This is your time to figure out who YOU are, just you, not you as one part of a pair. You must learn to love and admire yourself before you can expect to be loved and admired by another.
It’s time to get your checklist in order. Then, if and when you do meet someone special, you’ll be “complete” enough within yourself to decide whether a relationship is right for you.
In the meantime:
- Concentrate on YOU! Get to know yourself and become comfortable with who you are.
- Do something that challenges you. Experience something new besides a relationship. Take up kickboxing! Or how about that part-time photography job you’ve been meaning to apply for?
- Write about how you feel. One day in the not-so-distant future you’ll find comfort and wisdom in reviewing your own emotional history.
If only life were like a John Cusack movie, and we could all be assured that no matter how gloomy the prospects seem, we WILL — one day — find love if that’s what we’re looking for.
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