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IN FOCUS: ARTICLE |
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Antidepressants and the Missing Orgasm
by Susan Diem, 11.06.07
I learned that open communication is one of the most important parts of a relationship. |
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My boyfriend broke up with me right before I left for college. I was devastated, and his timing couldn't have been worse. When I got to school, the last thing I wanted to do was go to new student events or walk around introducing myself to people in my dorm. All I wanted to do was sit in my room and listen to depressing music.
I thought I just had to give it time, but I kept getting worse. It got to the point that just the thought of leaving the dorm to go to class made me incredibly anxious. Even the smallest tasks, like taking a shower or getting dressed, felt completely overwhelming.
Help Is on the Way ...
I went to a counselor at the student health center, and she recommended that I make an appointment with a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist asked me about symptoms. Loss of appetite? Sleep disturbances? Difficulty concentrating? Feelings of hopelessness? Check, check, check, and check.
The psychiatrist gave me a prescription for the antidepressant Zoloft and told me to come back in two weeks — sooner, if I began to feel worse. She said it would take a few weeks for me to feel some relief.
The first few days, I felt a little nauseated. After a week, I noticed that my dreams were different — weird and full of bright colors. Two weeks passed, and I started feeling a little better. I still felt sad, but I'd stop short of crying. Eventually I improved even more. I wasn't happy, exactly, but I felt good enough to go to class, read a book, or eat a decent-sized meal.
... But Where Did My "O" Go?
I still thought about my ex-boyfriend, but I stopped obsessing about what he was doing every minute. Then, I got interested in a guy in my drawing class, Jeff (not his real name). We were hanging out a lot, and eventually things got physical.
Then the weirdest thing happened: Jeff and I would hook up, but I couldn't have an orgasm. I'd get aroused, but then I'd get "stuck" right before it would happen. Was there something wrong with my body? I didn't have this problem with my ex-boyfriend. Did this mean I wasn't really attracted to Jeff? I didn't want him to feel bad and think he was doing something wrong.
At my next appointment, the psychiatrist asked me about side effects. "Do you have trouble getting aroused?" she asked. I said no, not really. "Do you have trouble reaching orgasm?" I nodded. She explained that sexual side effects like these were common, and there were a few different things we could try, like a lower dose, a different antidepressant, or a combination of medications. She also mentioned that for some people, the side effects go away eventually. Because I was so relieved to finally be feeling normal again, I told her I wanted to stick with the antidepressant I was on and wait it out.
Talking It Out
Jeff and I were getting really close, but I felt like the orgasm issue was something I needed to deal with. So I told him about the antidepressants and the sexual side effects. I felt uncomfortable bringing it up, but Jeff was really great about it. He said if there was anything he could do to make sex "work" better, I should just tell him.
The next time we had sex, we did things a little differently. I was very specific about what felt good, and I told him where and how to touch me. Jeff said not to worry about taking too long, that I could take all the time I needed. And eventually, after what seemed like forever, I had an orgasm. I was very relieved.
What I Learned
I learned that open communication is one of the most important parts of a relationship. Telling Jeff that I had been depressed and was taking antidepressants felt like a risk — what if he thought I was too much to deal with and broke up with me? But Jeff was accepting of what I was going through, which made me feel like I could trust him and depend on him — through both good and bad times.
I also learned how important it is to communicate about sex. People don't automatically know what feels good or bad to their partners, or what will help them have orgasms. Talking to Jeff about what felt good and what I wanted to do helped me get my "O" back.
What I've learned since is that not all doctors who prescribe antidepressants talk with their patients about the possible sexual side effects. This is where open communication with your clinician comes in: if you're on medication, and you lose your "O" — whether you're a girl or a guy — make sure you talk about it with your health care provider. It may very well be that you don't have to do without. |
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