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Performance Anxiety: The Ups and Downs of Erections
by Elise Schuster, 06.06.06
We may compare ourselves to media images or friends and fear that, when it comes to sex, we come up short. |
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Picture this: A guy is about to have sex play with someone — maybe with a new partner. He's a little nervous, and suddenly his head fills with worries: What if I'm not big enough? What if don't last long enough? What if my partner doesn't have an orgasm?
It's called performance anxiety — the fear of being unable to maintain an erection — and it can actually prevent a guy from getting or maintaining an erection. But rest assured, it happens to most guys at some point in their lives, and understanding the causes of performance anxiety can help many guys overcome it.
An Inside Look ...
When a guy is sexually aroused, blood flows into his penis at a faster rate than it flows out, called vasocongestion. This causes an erection — the penis gets larger and harder. When people experience anxiety, it causes physical changes in their bodies, including the tightening of blood vessels. In guys, this makes it harder for blood to get to the penis, and can make it difficult to get or keep an erection.
Other factors that can prevent a guy from getting or maintaining an erection include lack of attraction to a partner, a negative body image, a lack of self-esteem, problems in relationships, or using alcohol or other drugs. Certain conditions, such as diabetes, and medications, such as certain antidepressants, can also cause problems with erections.
While most guys occasionally have problems getting erections, if a guy frequently experiences erection problems, it's a good idea to talk to a health care provider, since there can be many different causes.
Behind the Scenes
Performance anxiety can be a vicious cycle: a guy gets anxious about not getting an erection, which causes erectile problems, which makes him more anxious about not getting an erection. But what causes the anxiety in the first place?
Often, performance anxiety can stem from societal pressure. Movies, television, magazines, and even conversations with friends or locker-room talk can make a guy worry if he measures up: if his penis is big enough, if he can last long enough, if he can satisfy his partner.
These same sources can make us think of "sex" in a very narrow way. In our culture, many people think sex doesn't "count" unless partners have intercourse. And if a guy experiences performance anxiety and can't get an erection, he can't have intercourse, and he may feel like a failure. Likewise, a guy may feel like a failure if he or his partner doesn't have an orgasm. This goal-oriented view of sex can put a lot of pressure on guys — and girls too. We may compare ourselves to media images or friends and fear that, when it comes to sex, we come up short.
Dealing with It
Recognizing society's influence on our sex lives is just one of the many ways of combating performance anxiety. Communicating about our anxieties or desires can also take the pressure off and help partners work through the issue together. It's important for guys and their partners to accept occasional erection problems as a normal part of their sex lives and not become so anxious that it makes having sex less pleasurable and more difficult.
If a guy is having trouble getting or maintaining an erection, partners can stop trying to have intercourse and can have other types of sex play that don't depend on a guy's erection — like kissing, touching, holding hands, or giving massages.
No matter what kind of sex play partners are having, it should be comfortable and enjoyable. If partners start to feel anxious or worried, they can slow down or try something else. In addition, shifting the focus away from the "goal" of having penetrative sex or having an orgasm can make sex play more enjoyable and reduce pressure on partners.
The More You Know ...
The more people know about performance anxiety, the easier it is to manage. We can think about society's expectations about sex and talk to our partners about how some expectations can be unrealistic and intimidating. We can work on communicating better with our partners so that sex play becomes more enjoyable and comfortable. And we can learn more about our bodies and what kinds of sex play feel good to us. Knowing more about ourselves gives us the power to be sexually healthy and happy in our relationships. |
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