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IN FOCUS: ARTICLE |
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Getting Closer!
by TAG and Ellen Friedrichs, 05.26.06
"My boyfriend and I don't have sex, but I feel closer to him than I do to anyone else. We do all the other things couples do — just not that one thing." |
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Ask teens why they have intercourse and many will say, "to get closer to a partner." With that in mind, TAG came up two lists of other ways teens can get close to partners.
The first list is for teens who practice abstinence.
Most people think abstinence means not having any kind of sex play with a partner — not even touching or kissing, or any other physical contact that could be sexually arousing. Teens choose to be abstinent because of their personal beliefs, religious beliefs, or because they don't feel like they're ready for sex play. Abstinence is also a 100-percent effective way to prevent pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections — when people practice it consistently.
Teens who practice abstinence can ...
- have long conversations on the phone
- go on group dates
- tell each other secrets
- take road trips
- watch sunrises and sunsets together
- dance
- serenade each other
- write romantic poetry
- fall asleep together
- have candlelit dinners
- send each other romantic text messages, e-mails and IMs
- go for walks in the park, on the beach, or in the mountains
- watch movies
- meet each others' parents
As the list demonstrates, just because teens choose to be abstinent, doesn't mean that they can't have meaningful relationships! As Marcie, 17, explains, "My boyfriend and I don't have sex, but I feel closer to him than I do to anyone else. We do all the other things couples do — just not that one thing."
The second list is for teens who practice outercourse.
Some teens choose to practice outercourse — sex play without intercourse. Avoiding intercourse means partners are less likely to exchange body fluids, which reduces the risk of pregnancy and infections.
Teens who practice outercourse can ...
- hold hands
- hug
- cuddle
- sit in each others' laps
- tell each other about fantasies
- kiss
- sleep in the same bed together
- touch each other over clothes
- touch each other under clothes
- have dry sex
Darren, 18 explains, "I had sex before, but with my new girlfriend we just decided to make out for now. It just seemed like there would be less to worry about and we could still have fun." For many teens, the risks associated with intercourse can make them feel like it's not worth it, and practicing outercourse allows them to feel pleasure and stay safe.
Planning Ahead ...
One day your relationship may change, and you may decide to have intercourse. If you make that decision, it's important to know how to protect yourself against pregnancy and infection — before you become sexually active. To find out how to reduce your risk, check out Birth Control Choices for Teens and Safer Sex 101.
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What would you like to hear TAG talk about? Send us a Talk Back comment with the subject line "TAG." |
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