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Flirting: What Works, What Doesn't
by Tamekia Reece, 3.21.06
The only way to let someone know you're interested is to act interested. |
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When it comes to letting someone know you're interested, flirting is the way to go. But with so much how-to advice out there, it can be hard to know which flirting techniques work and which fall flat. Here are a few that are worth the effort and others that are worth tossing.
Work It: Be You
The number-one tip for getting your flirt on is to be yourself — whether you're a girl or a guy. If you're not a super-social extrovert type, don't try to act like one in hopes of catching your crush's eye. Faking is hard work, and you want someone to appreciate you for you.
The same goes for your appearance. If you're a button-down shirt and khakis kind of guy, don't think the baggy-pants look will make your wanna-be honey hopelessly in love. Switching it up a bit may get you noticed, but if someone's not into the real you, it won't last.
Toss It: Pickup Lines
"I think I may need to call heaven because they've lost one of their angels." Lines like that may work on TV, but in real life they'll only get you a weird look. So forget the played-out pickup lines and come up with something original. Sometimes, even a quick "hi" or "what's up" is all it takes — it's just enough to establish contact and get the conversation going.
Compliments are good, too. Tell her she played great in the basketball game the other night, or let him know you liked his essay in English class. If you compliment someone on something physical, keep it respectful — "I like your new haircut" is nice; "you've got a great butt" can be creepy.
Work It: Act Interested
Thinking about ignoring your crush so you'll seem more mysterious or hard to get? Scratch that. The only way to let someone know you're interested is to act interested. That doesn't mean acting like a sports fanatic if you don't know the difference between football and foosball. It's about making eye contact, flashing a smile, and listening and asking questions of your crush — showing that you want to get to know her or him better.
Toss It: Put-Downs to Pick Up
Remember when you were younger and a guy tugging a girl's hair and a girl badmouthing a guy meant they liked each other? Well, you're a little too old to be playing those grade-school games. Thinking you're cool or cute will be the last thing on someone's mind if you're hitting on them (literally) or going around calling them names.
Work It: Check Yourself
If you think you're flirting your butt off but still not getting results, check to see what vibe you're sending out. Are you always surrounded by friends? Sure, this may show that you're popular, but it also makes you less approachable. No one wants to take the chance of being shot down in front of other people. So trying fly solo every once in a while.
If you're flirting with someone of the same sex, and you're not both out — or you're around people who are homophobic — it may be even more important to try to make a connection when no one else is around. Sometimes people get accidentally "outed," which can make for an uncomfortable, or even dangerous, situation.
Be aware of what your bod is saying, too. Folded arms or crossed legs can say "Don't bother me." If you want to send out "come talk to me" body language, your best bet is to do the "make eye contact and smile" move.
Toss It: Getting Too Close
You may have read tips that tell you to lean in close or touch your crush's arm when you two are talking. This might not be the best move. Why? People have different boundaries when it comes to touching and closeness. What's friendly to you might feel uncomfortable to your crush. Whether it's due to personal preference, cultural differences, or simply the fact that the person isn't feeling you yet, don't close yourself out by getting too close, too soon. |
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