 |
IN FOCUS: ARTICLE |
|
|
|
 |
|
|
When Close Friends Leave
by Terry Miller Shannon, 10.04.05
"It's always the right time to get back in touch." |
|
Your best friend is moving away, and you're heartbroken. Maybe she's going off to college, or his family's relocating to another state. Who'll watch The O.C. on Thursdays, eat lunch with you in the cafeteria every day, and play one-on-one with you after school? Who'll confide in you over coffee and listen to your problems in the locker room?
Acknowledge Your Loss
First of all, think about how much you're going to miss your friend. Pull out the scrapbooks and souvenirs of your times together. Make a collage of your shared memories. Feel free to cry and be bummed out. Recognize that things are going to change.
Tell your friend how much she's means to you, how she's enriched your life, and how much you'll miss her. Consider throwing him a going-away party and sending him off with style.
In other words, make a big deal out of your friend's departure. It is an important event. But it's not necessarily the end of your close friendship.
Commit to Staying Close
Keeping a friendship going long-distance can take commitment and effort. Why go to the trouble?
"Good friends — those you feel magically bonded with — are one of life's truest treasures," says Catherine Dee, author of The Girls' Book of Friendship and The Girls' Guide to Life. "It pays to keep your connection going. And the good news is that it's easy to preserve the great friendship you built by simply staying in touch."
Here are some ways to keep that connection over the miles:
- Can we talk? Regular, frequent communication is the backbone of a relationship. So mix it up with phone calls, text messages, e-mails, and IMs. Don't worry about running out of things to say, just write like you're talking to him — share news about your friends and family; talk about TV shows and what's going on at school. Send her some photos, either digitally or the old-fashioned paper way.
- It's my turn. It's easy to get caught up in a cycle of, "I wrote her last time, she owes me an e-mail." If you want to write to your friend — write to her! Your friendship is too important to let "It's your turn" stand between you.
- Stay in the loop. When your friend e-mails you, answer him soon, even if it's a quick "Glad to hear from you! Miss you! Will write more later." It's easy to put off writing and then forget. As Dee says, "Friendship maintenance is simple, but it's critical."
- Get personal. Sure, it's fine to forward a funny joke or send out a mass e-mail, but don't let that substitute for personal messages. Ask her about her life. Remember, she's going through some big changes — adjusting to a new home, new school, and new friends.
- Get together. Even though you aren't in the same town anymore, can you get together once in a while on vacations or breaks? Having some face time once in a while can cement a long-distance friendship — and it can be a great opportunity to catch up on those stories that are best exchanged in person! If you do get together, things might be a little awkward at first, so give yourselves a little time to click again.
- Make dates. You can still plan to watch The O.C. together — maybe even while you're on the phone together! Some friends set up phone dates — "Let's call each other every Thursday at seven and catch up." It can be a good way to work around conflicting schedules if you always seem to be missing each other. Some long-distance friends also meet up in chat rooms, or play computer games against each other online.
Slip-Sliding Away
Sometimes, in spite of the best of intentions and good feelings, a long-distance friendship is too difficult to maintain. The truth is, people change — they find new interests and friends. Or one or both of you may not enjoy e-mailing or may not want to be tied down with phone dates.
If you drift apart, it's not anyone's fault. If you're feeling like you really miss the friendship, Dee recommends trying to reconnect: "With a good old buddy, it's always the right time to get back in touch," she says. With any luck, you'll find yourself back inside that wonderful friendship place.
Nevertheless, it's still a good idea to reach out to people who are geographically close to you and form new friendships. As Dee points out, "You might meet more friends who turn out to be lifelong pals!" |
|
|
|
Printable Version
Email this page