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Being Together Without Losing Yourself
by Tamekia Reece, 08.05.05
So whether you're in or out of a relationship, make time for the things that make you you! |
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It seems like Morgan's whole life revolves around her girlfriend, Christina. Wherever Christina goes, Morgan goes. Christina's hobbies have become Morgan's hobbies. Morgan often cancels plans with her friends so she can hang out with Christina instead.
Have you ever found yourself in Morgan's situation? In relationships, it's not unusual for one partner to become so involved with the other that her or his own personal self slowly slips away. Here's how it can happen and how you can avoid losing yourself in a relationship.
Ditching Friends
Most people do it at some point: they cancel an outing with friends to spend time with their sweeties. That's cool; just don't make it a habit. Leaving your friends hanging every time your honey calls is a quick way to become friendless.
Not only is it rude to drop your friends when a girlfriend or boyfriend enters the picture, it can also be dangerous. If you ignore your friends to chill with your honey all the time, you're isolating yourself. If the relationship gets abusive or otherwise unhealthy, or just ends, there's a chance you won't have anyone to turn to because you've blown off everyone else.
Dropping Hobbies and Interests
Some folks not only forget about their friends, they do the same with their hobbies and interests. Instead of continuing to do the things they like, they focus on what their partners are into.
This may seem like a good way to bond and build a relationship, but it can actually do more harm than good. Your hobbies and interests make you unique and are probably what drew your girl or guy to you in the first place. So if you become a clone, doing only the things she or he is into, you'll both be bored.
Another drawback of giving up all your "me" things is that coping will be more difficult if a breakup occurs. One of the key ways to move on after a breakup is to fill your time doing the things you enjoy. If you gave all that up to be with someone, it'll be hard to bounce back. So whether you're in or out of a relationship, make time for the things that make you you!
Changing Yourself
Probably one of the biggest signs that you're disappearing in a relationship is if you're trying to change yourself — whether that's your appearance or personality. There's nothing wrong with rocking a new hairstyle or trying to mellow out when you're with your shy guy, but if you're hoping to become what your partner wants by doing a total personality swap or having an extreme makeover, you might want to reconsider. If you have to change yourself, physically or otherwise, to be with someone, that person's probably not right for you.
Getting Sexual
If you have sex play to make someone happy or because you're afraid of being dumped, you're putting yourself at the losing end of the relationship. Pressure to have sex play is usually a sign of an unhealthy relationship — and when pressure is involved, sex play is usually not very enjoyable for either person.
Keeping You
Compromise is an important aspect of any relationship, but you shouldn't have to totally give up your independence, interests, or values to be with someone. In a healthy relationship, both partners appreciate each other for who they are.
So continue being you. Keep hanging out with your friends and doing the things you enjoy, with and without your sweetie. And don't engage in sex play you're not ready for, or try to change into something you're not. In a healthy relationship, your partner is with you because she or he likes you for who you are — so make sure "you" don't slip away. |
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