 |
IN FOCUS: ARTICLE |
|
|
|
 |
|
|
The Science of Love
by Marissa Gold, 07.12.05
"The kind of person who likes thrills is more likely to fall in love." |
|
What's it like to be in love? For many people, their hearts race, their palms sweat, they can't eat, they can't sleep, and they spend every waking hour wondering about that special someone. It's as if love is a condition that comes with its own set of symptoms — and many scientists have started researching exactly what causes them.
Dr. Love
"The vast majority of people know exactly what the feeling is when they have it," says Dr. Helen Fisher, an anthropologist at Rutgers University and a leading authority on the subject of love. Her new book, Why We Love, takes a look at the process from a scientific perspective.
Scientists like Fisher have studied the process of love to determine exactly what's going on in our brains. They've uncovered chemicals that cause all sorts of reactions, from bliss to bonding, and found three distinct ways in which people relate to their partners: lust, love, and attachment.
Lust
When it comes to lust — that feeling of desire or craving for another person — the chemical responsible is testosterone. While people often associate testosterone with men, Dr. Fisher points out that both women and men have elevated levels of testosterone when they are attracted to someone. If you've ever had an overwhelming desire to reach out and touch someone, testosterone may be responsible.
Love
The next stage, romantic love, is what most people think about when they imagine love in general. Levels of chemicals called dopamine and norepinephrine increase and lead to the exited, elated feeling that so many of us get in a new relationship.
While dating may seem to have little in common with adventurous activities like surfing or mountain climbing, their effects on the brain are very similar — people feel energized, excited, on top of the world. Love is thrilling, and "the kind of person who likes thrills is more likely to fall in love," says Dr. Fisher.
But not everyone is so eager to take the plunge. "There's no question about it — some people fall in love more regularly than others," says Dr. Fisher. It depends on personality, outlook, and past experiences. "If you go through a breakup that's so painful you said to yourself 'never again,' it will take a much longer period of time [to fall in love again]," Dr. Fisher says. Trusting your partner is extremely important, since that's what allows us to open up to one another.
Attachment
The final stage of love is attachment. This is when two people settle into a long-term relationship and have found a level of comfort with one another that sustains their romantic feelings.
If you're wondering how to take your relationship to this level, Dr. Fisher has some ideas: "Do novel things together. Novelty drives up levels of dopamine and other things in the brain," she says. Those "other things" include the chemical oxytocin, a calming chemical that helps people become attached to one another. Physical contact is what causes the levels of oxytocin to rise. "Even when you massage somebody, levels of oxytocin go up," Dr. Fisher explains.
Making It Work
Now that you've learned about science of love, you can take a moment to get back to the basics. Physical contact like holding hands and hugging can increase bonding with a partner. Dr. Fisher also stresses the importance of being open and truthful. "Try including the person in your secrets," she says. Building good memories together and learning how to argue constructively are other important ways to build a lasting love. So if you trust your partner, just open your heart. Your brain will follow. |
|
|
|
Printable Version
Email this page