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Is PDA Okay?
by Allison Bloom, 01.07.05
The desire for physical contact is basic to human nature — but there are limits. |
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In a recent episode of Everwood, lovebirds Amy and Ephram decided to express their feelings for each other by kissing in public. As giggling students passed, Ephram laughed, pulled away and said, "How do you feel about PDA?" Amy smiled and replied without hesitation, "I feel good about it."
A PDA — that's public display of affection — is exactly what it sounds like. It's when two people choose to show their feelings for each other by making out in public. Sometimes it's hand-holding or a peck on a cheek, and sometimes it's a seriously passionate smooch and wandering hands. Regardless of which form PDA takes, one thing's for sure — everyone has an opinion about it.
"Holding hands, a simple peck, or even a quick French kiss are fine, but I don't want to see couples groping each other, with tongues flying all over the place." says Grace, 19.
Is a Kiss Just a Kiss?
If you're anything like Grace, chances are you've witnessed happy couples locking lips (and other body parts) at school, parties, football games, and after-school activities. Although this type of behavior can be annoying to onlookers, showing affection itself is actually part of our normal development. According to Dr. Alex Packer, author of How Rude!: The Teenagers' Guide to Good Manners, Proper Behavior, and Not Grossing People Out, the desire for physical contact is basic to human nature — but there are limits.
Parker thinks that sexual activity that goes beyond kissing should be done in private, and that same philosophy is steering some schools toward prohibiting PDAs. Many administrators claim that PDAs are distracting and shift focus away from the educational process. Not all PDAs are equal, so certain schools specify exactly what is, and isn't, permissible — kind of like a dress code.
"I think there should be a school rule against anything beyond a small kiss," says Elissa, 19. "Other stuff grosses people out and makes them feel uncomfortable. I mean, c'mon guys, get a room!"
How Rude!
So when is PDA okay? Setting is a major factor, since some backdrops are more affection-friendly than others. For example, it's more acceptable to make out at the beach than at the library. Eyebrows are less likely to be raised by a couple kissing at an amusement park than at the deli counter at the grocery. Even so, hanging at a romantic locale is not a license to gross people out.
"PDA is okay in small doses, but not in the 'let me show everyone how long I can suck your face off' kind of way," says Gretchen, 20. "Have some consideration for your partner and the people walking by."
Another factor is motivation. Some people engage in PDAs because they're in love, or feeling particularly affectionate. Others, however, do it to show off, impress their friends, or even to make an ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend jealous. "PDAs are rude if they compel a captive audience to watch or listen," Packer explains.
How to Deal
PDA is a natural way of expressing affection (in small doses and in appropriate locations), but if it gets out of hand, here are three simple suggestions:
- Don't watch. If it bothers you, simply look away.
- Politely ask the couple to cease and desist. Blame it on your own sensitivity rather than their boorish behavior.
- Talk to a teacher, counselor, or other adult you trust in school. If PDAs are a school-wide problem making lots of kids uncomfortable, the administration may want to do something about it.
Lucy, 14, adds, "Just tell the people how you're feeling. And if that doesn't work, try to concentrate on something else." |
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