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Waiting for G.I. Joe
by Laura Lambert, 11.02.04
"I never really cried for a boy before." |
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It's one thing when a girlfriend or boyfriend moves a few hours away because mom got a job in a new town. It's another thing when your honey moves thousands of miles away to serve with the Army or Navy. Both situations can mean a couple is headed for a long-distance relationship. But girlfriends and boyfriends (and family members, too!) of soldiers face special issues and challenges that are above and beyond the normal call of duty.
A Totally Different Level
Madawn, a 17-year-old from Lake Havasu City, AZ, met her boyfriend just after he graduated from basic training. They had four months together before he had to leave for special training to become a paratrooper.
"It was really hard to decide whether I wanted to keep going with him or not," she says. It would be her first long-distance relationship ever, and she knew it would be hard. But they decided to give it a try.
Although the days sometimes dragged, Madawn says there are upsides, too. "One thing, I got to know him on a totally different level," she says. "We have to get to know each other through letters, phone calls, e-mail. It's more on a mental level."
Sometimes their conversations turn serious, and that can be difficult. "It's hard to not think about it — people dying — and I always say, 'I don't want anything to happen to you,'" she says. "He's not really worried about it. He's not scared. He just wants to go and get through it. He tries to tell me, 'It's because I'm doing it for my country.'"
Close to Home
Julieanne, 18, from Boston, MA, had also never had a long-distance relationship until her boyfriend left for basic training earlier this year. Right now, he's in Iraq, where he works as a transportation specialist. "I never really cried for a boy before," she says. But she cried the day he was deployed.
Julieanne has experienced one of the hardest parts of having a loved one in the military. In March, her boyfriend was shot in the shoulder during a firefight. "It brought the newspapers very close to home," she says.
Luckily, he was OK, and after surgery, he went back to his post. Now, they are in contact more than ever. "For our six-month anniversary, he bought a $1,200 satellite phone," she says. "We've been able to talk every night."
How to Deal
As in all relationships, communication is the key. This is especially true for long-distance relationships. But often when a soldier is stationed in a dangerous region, communication is difficult or impossible. That's when it's crucial for soldiers' significant others to develop some resources of their own.
Coping skill number one is to keep busy. "As long as I'm busy, I don't think about it as much," says Madawn. "What's he doing? Where's he at? What's he thinking about? If I'm out doing something, working or going to school, I can keep it out of my head."
While some people find that paying close attention to the news helps them know what's going on, others find it too painful. "Most of the military girls that I know, they block out the TV, magazines," says Julieanne. "But I'm very studious, so I tend to be well-read and caught up."
Reaching Out
Talking about your feelings and concerns to family and friends is also critical. Madawn calls her boyfriend's mother, who lives in Washington D.C., almost every day. Julieanne gets a lot of support from her own parents, since her dad was in the Air Force when he started dating her mom.
While some people find comfort in their families, others find it online. Both Madawn and Julieanne found support in discussion groups on sites like Yahoo! Groups and Hotmail Groups. "Just for the kick of it, I wrote an e-mail," says Julieanne, who found a group of military girlfriends on Yahoo! "The girls there are unbelievably supportive," she says. "You have a bad day, you go online."
Likewise, Madawn made a strong connection with one girl in particular from the discussion group. "Her boyfriend was already overseas. He had been for a year," she says. "She can tell me what it's like."
Waiting for a soldier to come home can be hard — whether you're a girlfriend, boyfriend, friend, or family member. (And keep in mind that there are G.I. Janes as well as G.I. Joes in the armed forces.) Sharing your fears can help you cope with them, so remember to keep the lines of communication open with friends and family members, as well as your significant other. |
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