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Inside Insecurity
by Elisa Klein, 10.19.04
The one thing that you wish you could change just may be the thing that catches your crush's eye. |
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I always wonder if my boyfriend wishes I had bigger breasts. Sometimes I'll see him looking at another girl and I just freak thinking that he wants someone else.
— Ashleigh, 15
I see guys at the gym with mad muscles and then I get all stressed thinking that I'll never get a girlfriend if I don't look like them.
— Alex, 14
Does this sound familiar? Most of us have things that we would change about our bodies if we could. It's totally natural to wish that you had more of this or less of that. But when feelings of insecurity consume you, it can affect your feelings of self-worth, and even your relationships. So, how do you tackle feelings of insecurity and come out feeling better about yourself? Here's the inside scoop.
Focus on the Positive
"We spend way too much time comparing ourselves to others instead of enjoying our unique qualities," says social worker Jennifer Valenzuela. "Try making a list of all of the things that you like about yourself, and all of the things that make you, you." Chances are this list will be much longer than your list of complaints!
Keep your list handy for when you are having feelings of self-doubt. Focus on the attributes that you do like about yourself, whether it's your great eyes or your killer smile. And remember that the world would be one boring place if we were all the same! The one thing that you wish you could change about yourself just may be the thing that catches your crush's eye.
"I used to always think that I was way too tall," says Shari, 18. "I thought that boys only liked petite girls until I met my BF. He said that he was so excited to meet someone who he could actually look in the eye!"
Talk About It
If you're constantly concerned that your sweetie will leave you for someone "better," you need to let your fears be heard. Now, we're not talking about accusing your BF or GF of straying every time you leave the house. It's important to express your emotions in a rational and healthy way. Need some help? Here are some examples of how to start the conversation:
- "Sometimes I worry that you don't think I am as pretty as other girls."
- "I get really jealous when I see you hanging out with someone cooler."
- "It makes me feel bad about myself when I see you look at other guys."
The goal here is not to talk your SO out of looking at other cuties, or convince your girlfriend that she needs to dump her cool guy friends — it's just to keep the lines of communication open. It can be difficult to talk about your insecurities, but the right person for you will listen to what you are saying and talk about how she or he can make you feel better about your relationship. And if bigger breasts or more muscles is that important to the person you are with, then you don't need them, anyway!
More Than Just a Pretty Face
Sure, that girl on TV may have a better body, or that rapper may have more muscles, but you are so much more than just a pretty face! People are attracted to each other not only because of how they look, but who they are. A healthy relationship is about enjoying each other's company ... not just being eye candy on someone's arm. So, when you start thinking that you aren't pretty enough or built enough, try focusing on how you look on the inside. The rest will come naturally! |
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