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Smoothing Sibling Rivalry
by Allison Bloom, 10.15.04
"Our relationships with our siblings prepare us to interact with people in the larger world." |
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"My older brother and I really used to hate each other growing up," says Ryan, 20. "He definitely killed me in sports, but I got better grades. We tried to outdo each other in everything."
Sound familiar? From Cain and Abel to Ashlee and Jessica Simpson, the sibling struggle has existed since the beginning of time. We know we're supposed to love our sibs, but let's face it — sometimes they can be really hard to deal with. Here are some survival skills to help you navigate your way through the difficult terrain of sisters and brothers.
Sibling Survival Skill #1: Start Compromising
If you've got sibs, you've likely battled with them over clothes, music, bathroom time, and even the TV remote. Small stuff, right? Wrong. Fighting with your sibs, and resolving those conflicts, can actually impart some significant life lessons.
"Our relationships with our siblings prepare us to interact with people in the larger world," says Adele Faber, co-author of the best-selling book Siblings Without Rivalry. "We learn how to listen, be assertive, compromise, and accept our differences."
Since you don't get to choose your siblings, it makes sense that you may have different personalities, and as a result, some major disagreements. Learning to find common ground with your sister or brother enhances your problem-solving abilities, and makes your day-to-day interaction more tolerable. In the long run, trading a night of The O.C. for a night of Survivor is no biggie.
Sibling Survival Skill #2: Stop Competing
Chances are you've competed with your siblings both in school and at home, for the approval of parents and teachers, and the attention of friends. A little competition can be healthy when it motivates you to try a little harder or accomplish something you never thought you could do. Comparing yourself to your sibs, however, can damage your self-esteem, and is usually unproductive.
"Although it sounds cliché, my older sister actually was the prom queen and graduated with a 4.0," says Katherine, 19. "I tried to compete and couldn't, and definitely felt angry about it. But I realized I had to be happy with myself, instead of trying to please everyone else."
You may share a family, but as individuals, you each have your own talents and skills. Recognize your brother or sister's accomplishments while appreciating your own strengths.
Sibling Survival Skill #3: Start Communicating
The fact that siblings argue is human nature, but so is our ability to communicate. Sometimes the best way to end a dispute is simply to talk about the problem at hand.
"My sister used to take my stuff without asking, and it used to make me really angry," says Elissa, 19. "The situation only got better once we learned to talk about it. We matured in our relationship because we were open and let each other know how we felt."
Faber suggests hosting a weekly meeting to keep the doors of communication open between you and your sibs. Discuss recent misunderstandings and try to see the situation from everyone's point of view. When it comes to sibling relationships, a little understanding goes a long way.
Family Matters
Siblings can be your best buddies or your worst enemies, your favorite confidants, or your biggest rivals. Regardless of the dynamic in your family, finding a way to live with your sibs is worth the effort. After all, few people in the world know you in the way that your sibling knows you. It's a special bond that only siblings share, and it can truly bring out your best. |
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