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On the Rebound
by Tamekia Reece, 10.05.04
"His charm and attitude were so much like [my ex] that I felt like I was still with him." |
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Ever heard the saying, "The best way to get over one person is with another"? When your heart is broken and all you can think about is your ex, this may seem like a smart move. But be careful: when you're shooting on the rebound, you might come up with a foul.
Extra Baggage, Anyone?
If in your last relationship you learned to be more open or how to feel more confident about kissing, those are great things to carry over into future relationships. But mistrust, anger, insecurity, and other feelings that are sometimes associated with a breakup are definitely things you don't want to take along.
If your ex cheated, you might worry that the next person will too. But by entering into a relationship assuming the worse because of your ex's actions, you've already decided the fate of the relationship. You won't give your new honey a chance, and in turn you may miss out on a good thing.
Same Ol', Same Ol' vs. Drastically Different
Some people on the rebound end up dating the "same" person. Keshia, 18, says when she broke up with her cheating boyfriend, depression kicked in and she thought about taking him back. Instead, she hooked up with the first guy who reminded her of him. "His charm and attitude were so much like [my ex] that I felt like I was still with him," she says.
In the end, the new guy was so similar that things played out the same: he cheated, and they broke up.
Then there are people go to the other extreme, picking someone who's the complete opposite of the last person they were dating. For example, if the ex was an outgoing jock, they might seek out a shy artist. But beware — sometimes people assume that just because the new person is different, the pairing is bound to work out better. It's important to remember that in relationships — rebound or not — you're dating a person, not a type.
Do Unto Others
Sometimes people pick up a rebound relationship as a way to make their ex hurt or jealous. But it's often the person on the other end of this equation who ends up feeling angry and embarrassed for being used. After Ashli, 18, realized that Chris, 17, was dating her to make his ex jealous, she etched her feelings on the hood of his car. Though Ashli's actions were totally inappropriate (not to mention illegal), it's a prime example of why it's important to consider the feelings of the "new" person when you go for a rebound.
Take a Breather
Often when people rebound date, they're trying to replace the love they lost, so it's easy for them to fall in love again. If things don't work out, the fact that you've been hurt again can be a big hit to your self-esteem. Before jumping into a new relationship, you might want to ask yourself if you're emotionally ready to handle the ups and downs that characterize most couplings — and the likelihood that this new relationship will probably end in a breakup at some point down the line.
Being able to rebuild your self-esteem after a nasty breakup is one reason that taking time off between relationships is so important. Another benefit is if you and your ex do decide to get back together, things won't be sticky, because there's no one else in the picture.
Even if you'll never hook up with your ex again, a breather can still do some good. By taking time to get yourself together mentally and emotionally, you can start new relationships on the right foot. And if you start off on the right foot, the relationship might end up being a winner! |
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