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No More Drama!
by Terry Miller Shannon, 09.28.04
"Your life shouldn't be black and white, but full of nuances and subtleties." |
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Everything is a HUGE deal when it comes to my friend Paige. She never has a headache ... she has a "BRAIN TUMOR!" It's not a bad grade on a test ... it's "THE END OF THE WORLD!" When Paige gets grounded, it's not just a bummer ... it's "THE WORST THING THAT COULD EVER HAPPEN!"
Paige can be really entertaining ... but her constant drama is exhausting. How can you stay friends with someone like that without getting totally aggravated?
Dealing with a Drama Queen
First of all, make sure the relationship is worth it. "Having a dramatic friend can be fun — but also taxing," says Carol Weston, author of Girltalk. "Make sure the friendship works for both of you."
It's important to know your boundaries. A drama queen needs an audience, but you don't have to put your life on hold to fill that need. (By the way, don't let the expression fool you — guys can be drama "queens," too!) When your friend has a big ("the biggest!!!!") story to tell you, you can
- Be supportive on the phone instead of rushing over to be there in person
- Listen for a while, and then politely say, "I'm sorry to cut you off, but I have to move on to something else."
- Play along, enjoying your friend's story for its entertainment value.
- Remind yourself to take it all with a grain of salt, since drama queens tend to embellish for effect.
- Try not to get annoyed. Concentrate on the things that you like about that person — hey, nobody's perfect.
- Listen calmly to the "dramatic" tale instead of feeding the fire by overreacting.
Of course, it's important to remember that friendship — and communication — takes two people. So if you feel that your drama queen friend is constantly ignoring your needs, you might want to have a talk about how that's affecting your friendship.
What if You're the Drama Queen?
Being a drama queen can take its toll! For one thing, people assume that Paige is always exaggerating, so they don't always take her seriously — even when she's telling the total truth. She also admits that she gets tired of feeling like she has to be "on" all the time.
"It's great to be enthusiastic and in touch with your feelings," notes Weston. "But if you let your life become a roller coaster, it can be exhausting for you and your friends. A full life should include serenity, not just excitement."
Weston suggests that drama queens concentrate on balancing their reactions and behavior: "If you are always complaining that you HATE your father or you LOVE a new guy, try to notice what you like about your dad and what you don't like about the new guy," she explains. "Your life shouldn't be black and white, but full of nuances and subtleties."
Drama queens can also put their energy to positive use by doing something like working with a community theater group or reading to kids at the local library's story time — both worthwhile outlets for any "star performer." In the meantime, building listening skills and sensitivity can help make friendships more of a two-way street. After all, it's fun to have friends who'll entertain you with outrageous stories, but trust and respect are the building blocks of a healthy friendship. |
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