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IN FOCUS: ARTICLE |
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Crush Course
by Shiri Ourian, 09.14.04
"I even had our children's names picked out and imagined what they looked like!" |
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Little did you know that when you walked into chemistry class during the first week of school, you'd meet the man of your dreams. This guy is perfect: cute, smart, funny, and a great dresser. The only problem is, he's not the 16-year-old sitting next to you — he's the 35-year-old standing in the front of the room, teaching the class. Chemistry isn't going to be so boring after all!
But soon, your crush gets out of hand. You're convinced that when he lectured about the laws of molecular attraction, he was looking at you the whole time. Whenever he says the words "human body," all you do is think about his. You've started to keep track of how many times he calls on you ... even when you raise your hand and don't know the answer, which is most of the time, because you can't concentrate enough to listen to the question! But craziest of all, you're spending all your free time going to extra help sessions. Mr. Chemistry has become your science project and you're set on getting first place.
Before you make any hasty decisions, like getting his name tattooed on your arm or dedicating a song to him over the loudspeaker at school, here are a few words of advice from the experts:
1. Professing to the professor is a bad idea.
Why? Chances are your teacher doesn't share your feelings. He's probably had lots of girls crushing on him, and he's more interested in doing — and keeping — his job than finding a date. So, sending him love notes revealing your undying love is just going to embarrass you and make him feel uncomfortable. Plus, he's untouchable. He may be great eye candy, but it's illegal for him to have a romantic or sexual relationship with you. Flirting will get you nowhere, and it can get him in lots of trouble. (BTW, this applies to women teachers as well as men teachers!)
2. What you're feeling is normal.
It's totally normal to think your teacher is hot, funny, or smart, and it's nothing to feel guilty about. Lots of people get crushes on their teachers (and camp counselors, dentists, friends' parents, therapists, etc.). In fact, there are probably a couple of other students in your class with just the same kind of crush you have. The great thing about crushes that aren't meant to be is that they usually pass. But use the opportunity to think about the qualities you like about him so you'll know what to look for in a girl or guy your own age.
3. You've got to get over it.
Although your feelings are very real and you think that your relationship with your teacher is "different" from those other bad-news crushes you read about, try not to get caught up with your fantasies. Avoid making plans for the two of you together or imagining what your wedding will be like. Maya had a major crush on her 10th grade math teacher. "I even had our children's names picked out and imagined what they looked like!" she says. But then one day, Mr. Math brought his real-life daughter to school one day, serving as a major wakeup call for Maya — he already had a life of his own, and she needed to get one too!
When you know you have to get over someone, it can be pretty easy to find something you don't like about her or him. Bad breath? Smokes cigarettes? Hates hip-hop? Forget it, he's history! Distract yourself by joining a new activity or reconnecting with the friends you dissed for chemistry extra help. If you can't get over your teacher and your crush is turning into an obsession, talk to a counselor at your school or another trusted adult about it. They can help you put things into perspective.
Finally, look around you. There are probably a couple of cuties your age who'd appreciate your attention. Look for someone that's got some of Mr. Chemistry's good qualities but is closer to your age. "I was really attracted to the fact that he was intelligent and soft-spoken," says Maya, of her teacher crush. "I ended up liking a guy like that a month later, but luckily, he was only 17!" |
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