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IN FOCUS: ARTICLE |
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Me, Myself, and I: The Importance of Independence
by Elisa Klein, 09.02.04
"Boyfriends and girlfriends come and go, but I am stuck with me forever!" |
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Lately, my boyfriend and I do everything together ... homework, shopping, going out with friends. I sometimes wish that I had more time to myself. I love my sweetie, but I miss my independence!
Does this sound familiar? Most of us know couples that spend nearly every waking moment together. Their cell phones ring nonstop when they're apart, and they even finish each other's sentences! At first glance, it may seem cute. But being with your honey 24/7 isn't necessarily the best thing for you, or your relationship. People in relationships tend to be better off when they have time to themselves and learn how to exist happily without each other.
Do It for You
Aimee, 18, and her boyfriend were together for three years before calling it quits. And while the breakup was hard, Aimee says she learned a valuable lesson. "I was way too dependent on my boyfriend. When we broke up, I had to remember that I was capable of doing things by myself. After all, I had a life for 15 years before he came along!"
Aimee's situation is not unusual. Sometimes, we get so used to having someone to depend on that we forget that we can do things for ourselves. "I don't want to ever wonder if I can do something. I want to trust that I can do anything that comes my way," says Aimee.
Take a Chance
Ryan, 19, always dreamed of being a professional baseball player. When the opportunity came to spend the summer away at training camp, he had second thoughts. "The whole summer without my girlfriend seemed out of the question. But this was a once in a lifetime chance. In the end, I know that she wanted what was best for me ... even if it meant that we had to be apart."
You and your sweetie are bound to have different interests and goals ... and that's normal! If you pass up things that are important to you, you may resent your GF or BF because you missed out. Someone who truly cares about you won't hold you back from pursuing your interests.
Let Yourself Be Heard
If your sweetie seems to be lurking everywhere you look, be honest about your need for space. According to Aimee, "If I got in a relationship now, I would be super protective of my alone time. Boyfriends and girlfriends come and go, but I am stuck with me forever!"
And if your honey says, "Don't you need me?" remind her or him that you need to take care of yourself first ... before you can be good to anyone! Here are some guidelines to remember when establishing your independence in a relationship:
- Learn to do things on your own. Sure, taking your car for an oil change by yourself is a yawn, but it's critical that you know how to tackle everyday tasks yourself.
- Pursue your interests. Don't let anyone hold you back from things that are important to you.
- Communicate what you need in your relationship. Don't ever be afraid to let your partner know that you need space.
Relationships come and go, but you'll be yourself for life ... so get used to it! |
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