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Connect with Your Dad!
by Terry Miller Shannon, 06.18.04
Don't communicate with your dad through your mom — talk to him directly. |
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Have you ever sat next to your dad in uncomfortable silence, thinking, "Help! What can I say to him?!" Sure, you love the guy, but you've got exactly zippo, nada, nothing to talk to him about!
Have I got an offer for you! Want to be more self-confident, and deal better with authority figures? How would you like to be less critical of your appearance and not rely on guys for approval? Would you like to say "yes!" to greater academic and career success? And how about decreasing your chances of depression?
According to Dr. Linda Nielsen, author of Embracing Your Father: How to Build the Relationship You've Always Wanted with Your Dad, you can up your odds for all of the above (and more), plus gain the skills and attitudes that will help you create healthy, loving relationships with men! How? By building a close relationship with your father.
That's right. It's very common for teenage girls to feel that they while they love their fathers, they don't really know them. However, studies have shown that a girl can greatly benefit from having a "communicative, relaxed, involved relationship with her dad, especially during her teenage years," according to Dr. Nielsen. All the more reason for you to make the effort to connect with your old man!
And taking the first step to bridge the gap is not at all an overwhelming task. In fact, it's easy.
Forget These Myths
Dr. Nielsen suggests you start by dumping these silly stereotypes:
- Dads and daughters aren't supposed to have a close relationship or spend time together alone.
- Moms are the only ones who know what's best for girls.
- Dads aren't supposed to be helpful friends who can advise girls on personal issues.
Take the Initiative
Now try some of Dr. Nielsen's can-do, simple, proactive — not to mention fun! — actions:
- Spend some quality time alone with your dad.
- Don't communicate with your dad through your mom — talk to him directly.
- Ask dad some questions about his life: What's the coolest place he ever traveled? What was the proudest moment in his life? What nice things is he looking forward to in the future? Sometimes we get so used to seeing our parents as "parents" that we forget they're people too!
- Watch movies together, and discuss them afterwards. Dr. Nielsen suggests some great flicks that explore that whole father/daughter thang: To Kill a Mockingbird, Father of the Bride, A Soldier's Daughter Never Cries, Whale Rider, Thirteen, Bend It Like Beckham, and Finding Nemo.
- Ask your dad to grab 15 or 20 photos of himself from different times in his life, then spend some time telling you the stories that go with each picture.
- Gather 15 to 20 pictures of yourself at different ages. Ask your dad to tell you stories about what the two of you did together back then.
So, how about empowering yourself by reaching out to your father? On top of that big list of benefits, you'll also gain the most obvious reward: turning a so-so connection with an important person in your life into an emotionally satisfying bond. |
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