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The Truth About Gay Guys
by Karen Solomon, 02.05.04
Homophobia is negative feelings about people who are (or appear to be) gay, lesbian, or bisexual. It's caused by ignorance, misinformation, or lack of understanding about what lesbian, gay, bisexual, and straight people are really like and how they really appear. Sometimes it shows itself in obvious ways, like gay men and lesbians being beaten up or being denied a job.
But sometimes homophobia comes out in more subtle ways, like stereotyping gay men and men who appear to be gay. As with prejudices against people because of the color of their skin or their gender, some people make unfair assumptions and judgments about gay guys. Let's take a look at a few common myths and misconceptions ...
Myth: "He looks/acts gay."
No matter what people may say, it's not possible to determine anyone's sexual orientation just by looking at them. There are many stereotypes about how gay men look and act, but that's all they are — stereotypes. Not all gay men like fashion, listen to dance music, or live in big cities. The stereotype of a high-pitched voice or a limp wrist is simply the stuff seen in movies. Not all gay men are petite or feminine-looking.
Likewise, not all petite, feminine-looking, limp-wristed men are gay! Lots of gay men are big guys with facial hair who enjoy sports and can't tolerate show tunes. Bottom line — you should never assume anything about someone's sexual orientation because of how he looks or acts.
Myth: "He turned gay!"
Scientists aren't exactly sure what causes a person to be straight, gay, lesbian, or bisexual, but there's a lot of evidence that it's based on biological factors that are in place before birth. We do know that whether people are straight, gay, or bisexual is usually established before puberty and before they begin having sex. And although sexual orientation probably begins to develop before birth, it may change over the course of a lifetime.
But that doesn't mean a guy can "turn gay" by hanging out with gay guys, seeing another guy naked, having stereotypically "gay" interests, or for any other reason. Whatever the cause or combination of causes, sexual orientation is not something that people can decide for themselves or for others. It's a part of an individual's identity, and it must be respected.
Myth: "Gay men are perverts."
This is one of the most dangerous, damaging myths about gay men, and it couldn't be more false. The fact is that most pedophiles are straight. Molesting children is a terrible crime, but it has little to do with a person's sexual orientation Also, gay men do not try to "recruit" other men. If you're a guy with gay friends, they're not necessarily hitting on you anymore than your female friends are!
Myth: "Gay men are only interested in sex and can't commit."
Gay men may have a reputation for partying and hooking up with lots of guys, but this is also a stereotype. Many gay guys are happy to just stay home, avoid flashy clothes and clubs, and enjoy quiet activities. And while some gay guys have multiple sex partners, many others prefer long-term, monogamous relationships. (And some prefer long-term relationships that are not monogamous.) Just as with straight people, decisions about sex and relationships vary from person to person and couple to couple.
Myth: "AIDS is a 'gay' disease."
AIDS affects everyone. Anyone who has unprotected sex or shares IV drug equipment with someone who has the virus can get HIV, regardless of sexual orientation. In fact, the fastest growing group of people with HIV is heterosexual women.
Fight Discrimination
Though many people in our society — politicians, public figures, and maybe even some of your friends — will suggest that excluding, harassing, or even bashing gay guys is acceptable, it is not. Scientists have shown that attacking someone because of his perceived sexual orientation is an expression of self-doubt and insecurity about one's own masculinity or sexual orientation. Bashing is a way of trying to destroy what a person fears he recognizes in himself.
Discrimination is wrong on every level, and stereotyping people because of their sexual orientation is just as wrong as stereotyping people because of the color of their skin, or their gender. So the next time you hear someone spreading a gay-guy myth, don't hold back — stand up for what's right and speak the truth! |
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