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More Than Friends
by Harmony Tapper, 10.31.03
"A week after we started dating, we still hadn't done more than hold hands." |
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He's nice, charming, handsome, and smart — and he's your best friend. She's the girl you never thought you'd go out with — the shoulder you cry on when your date doesn't call back. Then one day you look at your friend differently, and feelings you never thought existed come to the surface.
Many of us have crushed on a close friend, and some of us decide to 'fess up to these feelings. It's a relief when the crush turns out to be mutual, but it's not always smooth sailing from there. Turning a friendship into a romance can be an exciting possibility, but it's also a tricky task.
Been There ...
After John started dating his friend Jess, things got sticky when she became overly possessive. "She would call repeatedly," he says. "If I was out with my friends, she'd hit my cell up. I couldn't have time alone." Their relationship lasted a matter of days, and their friendship was seriously damaged.
Megan, on the other hand, is happy she decided to date her friend Jeff. She says the relationship started to work once they got past the initial awkwardness. Her advice: "Stay patient. A week after we started dating, we still hadn't done more than hold hands. I began to think it wasn't going to work out, but gradually he became to feel more like my boyfriend than my best friend." Two years later, they're still together.
Making It Work
So how do you survive the challenges of a friendship that turns into something more? There's no surefire way to ensure success, but these tips can help:
- Be patient. Give your squeeze time to feel comfortable with your newfound intimacy.
- Leave room to breathe. It's natural to want to spend more time with your friend who's just become your honey. But you should be willing to allow some space when your sig other needs it.
- Share the love. If you have the same friends, you'll have to accept that your new sig other will be spending time with them, too.
- Communication is key! Whether you think things are going great or taking a turn for the worse, being honest and open is vital to keeping the relationship healthy.
If Things Turn Sour
Sometimes we imagine things perfectly, but in reality they just don't work out. Don't fret if the romance is dying — focus instead on saving the friendship:
- Get in gear. Make it clear right away that the friendship is still important to you.
- Get over grudges. If you want to save the friendship, you'll have to get past the breakup quickly. Don't fight over dead issues.
- Beware of jealousy. Be prepared for the possibility that your friend may find someone new before you do.
Making the move from friend to girlfriend or boyfriend is a BIG decision. You could become high school sweethearts, or you could end up as ex-friends as well as ex-honeys. Or you also could end up right back where you started — as friends! So is it worth taking a chance? Only you can decide! |
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