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Singled Out?
by Allison Bloom, 09.05.03
"There's a silent message that something is wrong with you if you're not 'hooked up.'" |
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Life used to be so simple. Nothing was more important than talking all night, pigging out on pizza, and watching the NBA finals with your buds. But recently something changed. Just when you thought your social circle was perfect, all your friends started acquiring sig others. Could you be the last singleton standing?
The pressure to couple up is everywhere, and sometimes it's easy to feel like a loser if you're not in a relationship. Before you resign yourself to a life of loneliness, however, take a look at what some other folks have to say — maybe you'll rethink what it means to be single!
I'm the only single person in the world!
"It's really hard when your friends aren't single anymore, and you see them paired off with people they love," says Kyle, 17. "Sometimes it gets really lonely."
Although at times it may seem like you're the only one without a boyfriend or girlfriend, stay strong — you're not alone. According to the American Association for Single People (AASP), a nonprofit organization that defends the rights of single Americans, there are more than 86 million singletons in the U.S. alone.
There's something wrong with me if I don't have a boyfriend or girlfriend.
Dr. Xavier Amador, a clinical psychologist at Columbia University and author of the book Being Single in a Couple's World, says that society has branded uncoupled people with a "single stigma."
"There's a silent message that something is wrong with you if you're not 'hooked up.' That you're a failure or a loser. And because of this, people think they'll be happier or more successful if they are coupled," Amador says. "But the truth is they'll still be the same person they were before they started the relationship."
Paige, 19, felt really bad about being single until she realized that she had to be happy with herself before she could be satisfied with a significant other. "I used to think that if I was prettier or smarter, I would have a boyfriend, too," she says. "Now I'm figuring out how to enjoy my alone time and enjoy being myself. I know that when I'm ready, I will find the right person for me."
Maybe if I weren't so picky, I'd be in a relationship.
Teens today have more choices than ever before, and that means more options when it comes to romance. Many teens choose to postpone pairing up with a girlfriend or boyfriend so that they can spend more time with their friends, play the field a little, and decide what they really want. Being "picky" really means making responsible decisions about your love life.
"There's nothing wrong with being single, especially as a teenager," says Matthew, 17. "I'm young and I want to see what's out there before I get serious with anyone. Not everyone is ready to be in a relationship."
There is a lot of emphasis placed on coupling up.
That one's true. The pressure to couple up has been around for thousands of years. In ancient times, coupling was important for protection, division of labor, and reproduction (guaranteeing that the human species would survive well into the future). Modern times and traditions make flying solo a lot easier, yet the coupling mindset lingers. Restaurants offer two-for-one specials, roller coasters seat two people per row, and prom tickets are sold in pairs. It's enough to make any single gal or guy scream.
"Teens are bombarded by the media everyday with propaganda to be the skinny, fashionable, charmer with a boyfriend or girlfriend," says Barrie, 17. "If you fall into their trap, you may find yourself feeling inferior because you are not in a couple."
Turn this fact into fiction by refusing to let the media and society dictate your choices for you. Enter into a relationship if and only if you're ready to do so. In the meantime, relish your freedom.
Being single is lame.
Being single can open up a world of possibilities. Forget that "grass is greener" attitude and start enjoying your independence — do the things you've always wanted to do. When confronted by friends and family who ask the dreaded "Are you dating anyone?" question, don't be afraid to use humor — learning to laugh at the situation can be extremely helpful. "No, grandma, I don't have a girlfriend right now. Will you be my date for the homecoming dance?"
Most importantly, Amador suggests taking the time to get to know yourself better. "When we accept who we are and love ourselves, we become much more attractive to other people."
"Being single can be great," says Jessica, 19. "You have a chance to do what you want when you want without having to compromise. You really learn who you are on your own, and don't have to rely on another person to define that for you." |
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