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Ditch Those Dating Rules!
by Allison Bloom, 07.15.03
"Hold out for someone who can appreciate you for you." |
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Beauty and lifestyle magazines are famous for their intimate celebrity portraits and can be really fun to read, but how do they stack up in the advice department? Here, we've taken a look at some actual "tips" from popular magazines and created our own version of "the rules."
magazine mantra: Don't call back right away.
teenwire.comSM tip: Don't play games!
"The most depressing thing you can do to someone else is play games with their emotions," says Kyle, 16. Although it's probably not the best practice to call your date and profess your love the second you're dropped off, it is appropriate to thank her or him the next day for a lovely night. Sticking too closely to the "three-day calling rule" can backfire, especially if your date thinks you're being rude or inconsiderate. Relationships built on mutual respect are always better than those built on games and manipulation.
magazine mantra: Chat up another girl or guy in front of your date.
teenwire.com tip: Don't encourage jealous behavior.
Many magazines talk about ways to make your partner jealous, but according to Lisa Daily, author of Stop Getting Dumped, acting jealous is a surefire way to scare your boyfriend or girlfriend away. "Chatting up someone else on a date doesn't prove how desirable you are," Daily says. "It just shines a floodlight on your raging insecurity." And the jealous response you may get from your partner could be more than you bargained for. Extreme jealous and possessive behavior can be abusive, so be sure to tell someone you trust if your partner's actions get out of hand.
magazine mantra: If your job isn't cool, lie.
teenwire.com tip: Don't pretend to be what you're not to impress your date.
Too often people alter the way they dress, the way they talk, and even the way they think — just to impress a potential honey. Some people go so far as to completely change their personality. Be honest with your date and stay true to yourself, or you'll risk sacrificing what makes you special and unique. "Being who you are will impress them enough, so don't undermine your personality or your talents," says Mai, 18. "Hold out for someone who can appreciate you for you."
magazine mantra: Make yourself less available.
teenwire.com tip: Don't forget to make time for yourself.
Relationships can be exhilarating and fun, but they can also be time consuming. Sometimes it's nice to spend a little quiet time alone. Instead of trying to impress your partner by making yourself seem incredibly busy, simply say that you are spending the day relaxing — solo. Independence and self-worth are attractive qualities in a girlfriend or boyfriend, and making time for yourself can be extremely rewarding. "Relationships are stronger when both people take time to pursue their own interests and friends," says Daily.
magazine mantra: Don't be an open book.
teenwire.com tip: Don't be closed off.
Keeping the doors of communication open is vital to any healthy relationship. You may not want to reveal everything about yourself on the first date, but don't be afraid to gradually open up. Learning to trust your partner (and allowing her or him to trust you in return) is an important step toward building intimacy and fostering a long-term connection.
magazine mantra: Don't discuss your ex.
teenwire.com tip: Don't forget to talk about sexual history.
Every relationship is different, so it's unfair to give your partner a list that they have to live up to. If new squeezes think they're being compared to previous ones, they may feel inadequate and stressed. "Your date may ask for the inside scoop, but they probably don't really want to know," says Daily. "That changes, however, when the issue is sex."
Knowing your partner's sexual past is extremely important for maintaining an open, honest, and responsible relationship. Talk about your history and then get tested together for sexually transmitted infections. Daily adds, "Always, ALWAYS use a condom. Even if you both swear you're virgins."
magazine mantra: Don't give up good friends for a relationship.
teenwire.com tip: Don't give up good friends for a relationship.
This is where the magazines and teenwire.com agree. "Friends should always come first," says Catherine, 13. "Relationships will come and go, but real friends are forever." Be sure to set aside time for your friends, in addition to that one-on-one time with your sig other, or mix things up by occasionally including your date on outings with your buddies (and vice versa). No girlfriend or boyfriend can be everything to one person. The most satisfying and mature relationships are balanced with a mix of school, family, and friends. |
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