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What Counts as Cheating?
by Tamekia Reece, 06.27.03
"As long as both people know it's just for fun, it's not cheating." |
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Flirting, kissing, cybering. Lots of teens (and adults) do these things. But when you're in a relationship, do you stop doing them with people other than your boyfriend or girlfriend? Or do you continue because it's only "harmless fun"? Sure, you may think it's nothing serious, but to your partner, it may be cheating. Want to know where other people draw the line? Read on ...
A Kiss Is Just a Kiss?
For some teens, it's don't go there, unless your sweetie is puckering up to Grandma. But for others, kissing is OK as long as you're not tongue wrestling and swapping spit. "Just don't put hickeys on another girl," insists Katie, 17.
On the other hand, Kayla, 16, says, "If someone is with you, their lips should only touch yours." So, is kissing cheating? It all depends on how you and your partner feel about it.
A Little Harmless Flirting
When does innocent flirting cross the line? "When the girl my boyfriend's flirting with thinks she has a chance with him!" answers Becky, 18.
Carl, 15, agrees: "As long as both people know it's just for fun, it's not cheating."
However, some people think that "monogamous flirting" does count as cheating. "If a guy flirts with one particular girl all the time, it's cheating, because he really wants her," says Josephine, 14. So it seems flirting can be harmless at times, but once the flirter becomes too attentive to the flirtee, it may be considered cheating.
Dot.com and Centerfolds
Whether it's pop-ups on the PC or Playboy® in the locker room, does looking at porn count as cheating? "Of course not," says Daniel, 13. "You're only looking."
His girlfriend, Amanda, 14, disagrees, "When Daniel looks at other girls, it makes me feel like I'm not good enough."
"Looking isn't cheating," says Chris, 17. "It's not like you're actually trying to be with those women."
Or are you? Jackie, 19, checked the history on the computer she and her boyfriend shared and found dozens of personal ads where he was "looking for some hot fun." "We broke up soon after," she says. (Note: e-snooping on your partner is not a great relationship-builder either!)
So what's the score? Is it cheating? Opinions are definitely divided. Cybering is a maybe. Soliciting through personal ads — definitely cheating.
Same-Sex Sex
A common pop-culture fantasy holds that straight guys want to see two girls getting it on. So ... if a guy's girlfriend hooks up with her friend, is that OK? "The same rules apply," says Amy. "It's cheating for sure."
Tiffany, 16, agrees, "When you're in a relationship, you commit to one person, whether you're bisexual or not."
But some folks give it the go-ahead. Andre, 18, says, "If my girl gets with another girl, it's OK, but if she hooks up with a guy, there's a problem."
Physical v. Emotional
Is there a difference between "physical cheating" and "emotional cheating"? "If my guy had a fling, I might forgive him," says Angela, 16. "But if he had a relationship with the person, that's too much."
But opinions are divided. "The thought of another guy kissing and touching my girlfriend, I couldn't handle that," says Alonzo, 18. "I may be able to brush off a couple of dates, but nothing physical."
So What Really Counts?
If you and your partner decide it counts, then it counts! And it's important to talk things out before you even think about going there. What if something's not on "the list"? You might want to think twice if
- you have to hide it or lie about it.
- it'll lower your partner's self-esteem.
- you feel guilty about it.
- you wouldn't want your partner to do it.
The bottom line? Many people agree that there are six basic qualities to healthy, loving relationships: respect, trust, honesty, fairness, equality, and, last but not least, good communication! Everyone is different when it comes to dating rules, so sit down with your partner and agree on what counts in your relationship. |
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