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Love — the Real Deal
by Elisa Klein, 06.13.03
If what you love about a person is limited to hooking up, then your relationship is bound to fade fast. |
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Think of the last movie you saw, the last novel you read, and your favorite song. Are you sensing a theme yet? L-O-V-E makes the world go 'round, but it isn't always as simple as it appears to be on the big screen. So, how do you know when it's the real deal?
It doesn't matter how old you are, or how long you've been with your significant other. The first question is — are you in a healthy relationship? Not just physically healthy but emotionally healthy? A healthy relationship makes you feel good about yourself and makes you feel safe enough to even consider having such heavy feelings as love. The basic qualities of a healthy relationship include
- respect
- trust
- honesty
- fairness
- equality
- good communication
Love also requires a certain level of commitment. So if you're ready to bail out of your relationship after the first less-than-exhilarating Saturday night, then that isn't love!
Good or Bad, Happy or Sad
Sometimes love means being there for each other during rough times, like a family illness. "When Kyle's mom got sick, he spent more time at home and didn't want to go out much," says Ally, 17. "It wasn't fun for me, but I cared enough about him to be supportive and be there when he needed me."
Love is also about accepting the good, the bad, and even the ugly! It's easy to find faults in a partner — too skinny, a goofy bad laugh, really bad taste in music ... but love means enjoying the whole person — not just the hot, popular, or funny pieces.
"There are definitely things about Lauren that drive me nuts!" says Trevor, 18. "But I'm sure that she feels the same way about me! We just accept each other for who we are."
Love v. Sex
If you and your partner are on the same page, then you may be asking that age-old question: What does sex have to do with love? It's easy to confuse the intense feelings of sexual desire and attraction with love. But watch out! If what you love about a person is limited to hooking up with her, then your relationship is bound to fade fast.
The "L" Word
When emotions are strong, it's hard to keep those three little words inside! So what if you find yourself wanting to blurt out "I love you" to your significant other? Here are some guidelines:
- Take your time! Make sure you know that it feels right.
- Express how you feel. What does being in love mean to you?
- Don't ever use the L-word as a tactic to coerce someone into doing something he doesn't want to do physically or emotionally. As in, "if you loved me you would ..."
What if your partner doesn't say it back right away? Don't stress! Love is not something to be taken lightly. If your sweetie has strong feelings for you, she'll say "I love you" when she wants to, not when she feels like she has to. And hopefully, your relationship will grow stronger because you were open and honest with each other. Maybe that's not the way it's portrayed in pop songs or movies, but it's the kind of love that lasts beyond infatuation — the real deal. |
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