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IN FOCUS: ARTICLE |
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Making the First Move
by Jon Platner, 06.04.03
I'm no stranger to the concept of "girl power." Today, a woman can open a door for a guy, pull out a chair for herself, and even pay for dinner.
But for some reason, I've noticed that a lot of girls are still old-fashioned when it comes to making the first move. Traditionally, if a girl and a guy are interested in each other, it's the guy who's supposed to ask the girl out on a date, the guy who's supposed to lean in for that first kiss ... right?
My friend Erin once asked me for some relationship advice — she needed a guy's point of view. "So me and this guy have been out a couple of times," she explained, "and it's obvious that we're both ready to take things up a notch. So why hasn't he kissed me yet?"
I thought the question was kind of silly. If she thought things were going great, and sensed that their feelings were mutual, why couldn't she do something about it? Why did the guy have to act first? This was her response:
"Girls can't make the first move! It's a huge turnoff — isn't it?"
The truth is, many guys — including me — aren't turned off by girls making the first move at all. In fact, we actually think it's a turn-on! It's a lot of pressure, feeling like you always have to make the first move — even in a situation where it's obvious that both people dig each other. So if a girl is brave enough to act first, sometimes the guy will be grateful to her for easing that pressure.
Take my friend, Todd, for example. When he was a freshman in high school, Todd had a crush on Yoon-Ji, a sophomore. They started flirting in class, and everything seemed to be headed in the right direction. Our friends talked to her friends, and soon it was clear that the interest was mutual. But weeks turned into months, and still, nothing happened.
The problem was, Todd was intimidated. Yoon-Ji was older, and also more experienced with relationships. She had been in a serious relationship with someone the previous year, and Todd was new at this. Finally — luckily for Todd — Yoon-Ji took the initiative. She "accidentally" bumped into him in the hallway between periods one day, and invited him to go to the mall after school. From there, things took off. ... But who knows what would have happened if she'd felt like he needed to act first?
And it isn't just an issue for guy-girl couples. What if two girls are into each other, and they're both afraid of seeming too aggressive? Or if two guys are into each other, and each assumes the other will make the first move? In cases like these, it's possible that nothing will ever happen — even if it's clear that both people like each other!
The lesson here applies to everyone, guy or girl, gay or straight. It's one thing not to act on feelings because you're not sure they're mutual. But if you like somebody and know that she or he likes you, you have to realize that someone's got to take action for something to happen. So don't get caught up with ideas of who's supposed to do what — if that someone isn't you, things might never move forward! |
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