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Six Big Lies About Sex
by Tamekia Reece, 05.23.03
"I believed my boyfriend when he said he was allergic [to condoms]. Then I got gonorrhea." |
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"If we don't, I'll get blue balls." "I'm a virgin." "The condom is too small." Sound familiar? More than likely, you've been told at least one of those things before. Or were you the one who told one of those little lies to get your partner to do something or think a certain way?
"Everyone tells small lies in their relationships," says April. She's right — most people do. But small lies can lead to big lies, and just like a big lie, a small lie can destroy a relationship.
Little Lies
Lie #1: "If you don't, I'll get blue balls."
While it's true that guys may have some discomfort if they're aroused and they don't ejaculate, it won't kill them, it won't even hurt much, and the feeling goes away pretty quickly. Melanie says, "Whenever a guy tells me the 'blue balls' story and I'm not in the mood, I tell him to get rid of it himself." He does have a hand, and there's always a cold shower!
Lie #2: "I'm a virgin."
Lies about virginity. People lie to friends, parents, and even boyfriends and girlfriends. "I tell guys I'm a virgin so they'll feel special and I don't get a bad reputation," says Brenda. On the other hand, guys might lie and say they aren't virgins when they really are. There's a strong double standard when it comes to virginity — it says that girls who have sex are sluts but guys who have sex are studs. Of course, neither thing is true, but these gender stereotypes put a lot of pressure on both girls and guys to conform to them.
Bigger Lies
Lie #3: "The condom is too small."
Even though the ring at the end of some condoms can be constricting for some very large penises, condoms can accommodate even the largest penis. Some guys use this fib about size to avoid strapping on the latex. Tony takes it even further: "I tell girls I'm allergic to condoms."
Charlotte says, "I believed my boyfriend when he said he was allergic. Then I got gonorrhea." 'Nuff said.
Lie #4: "Of course I had an orgasm."
Meagan laughs, "I say I had an orgasm because I don't want to hurt his feelings. It takes too long." She may spare her boyfriend's feelings, but when a woman lies, her partner doesn't know anything's wrong. You have to either continue lying (and continue missing out) or 'fess up. The truth is, a lot of girls have trouble having an orgasm when they have sex play with a partner. Communicating with a partner is key — girls should let their partners know that they haven't reached orgasm so their partners can help them get there, too.
Even Bigger Lies!
Lie #5: "I love you. Let's have sex."
Love. It can feel so good at times and so painful at others. But it may be most hurtful when it's used to get sex. John admits, "I've told girls I love them, to have sex. It usually works, but I always feel like a jerk afterwards." The fact is that having sex with someone is about doing what's right for you whether she or he says the love word or not. We all have sexy feelings. But we don't always have sex when we have them.
Lie #6: "I'm pregnant."
Faking a pregnancy to trap a guy can only cause hurt and anger.
"I said I was pregnant to get him to stay with me," says Erica. And he did. But not for long. "I could only keep it up for so long. Once he found out, he broke up with me anyway. Now he hates me."
Caught
One lie usually leads to others. Small details are bound to be forgotten. A slip here, a slip there and what? You're caught.
"He told me he never had oral sex, so I thought he'd love me more if I did it," says Amber. "Then I found out this girl did it to him and his friends at a party, just days before I did. I felt so stupid."
Lessons Learned
The one thing most people who have told lies have in common is that they often hurt themselves, get caught, and lose out on worthwhile relationships with other people. So you don't have to learn the hard way, here are a few suggestions:
- No one can read your mind. Communicate clearly.
- If you have to lie, maybe you're with the wrong person.
- Lies, no matter how small, hurt and lead to distrust.
- Honesty is an essential part of a healthy relationship. Without it, a relationship is doomed.
So before you tell your partner that little white lie, think about it. Is it worth it? |
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