 |
IN FOCUS: ARTICLE |
|
|
|
 |
|
|
How to Catch Your Crush
by Terry Miller Shannon, 04.15.03
Crushes come and go, but you have to live with (and respect) yourself forever. |
|
Whenever you see that person, you get chills. Your palms get all sweaty, you can't swallow ... Yep, you've got all the signs of a major crush.
What should you do? You've got a couple of options, but keep in mind that no matter which way you go, you could land your crush and become the school's cutest new couple, or you could get rejected — so be prepared!
Option 1.: Doing Nothing. You could wait it out.
Pros: "Not everyone wants to feel rushed or exposed," says Carol Weston, author of For Teens Only: Quotes, Notes, & Advice You Can Use. "Often, it's better to let a relationship build naturally." If your crushee is that cutie in your history class or a fellow usher at the movie theater — someone you see on a regular basis — then it's possible that something might develop as you spend more time together and get to know each other — without you actually doing anything to move things along.
Cons: You may have to live with regret: "What might have happened if I'd ..."
Option 2: Third-Party Finagling. You could ask your buddy to ask her best friend to find out if your crush is interested in you.
Pros: It feels safe.
Cons: Do you really want to make your feelings public? And, do you trust your friend to handle this delicately?
Option 3: Acting On It. You could move things along.
Pros: Melody, age 18: "I had a crush on my current boyfriend for a few weeks after we met. Then, finally, I said something to him in a joking manner and he ended up asking me out a few days later."
Cons: Weston warns, "The risk of letting someone know your feelings is that you're almost forcing that person to declare his or her own feelings." Do you want to put your crushee on the spot?
Action Plans
There are good ways and incredibly lousy ways to get your crushee to know you've got a love thing. Here are some good ones:
You Go! Action Plans:
Be approachable!
- Smile.
- Say hi.
- Hang out where he hangs.
- Don't surround yourself with a mob of friends.
- Look at her (rather than gazing at your toenails any time she's around).
- Ask him questions about something you might have in common.
- Give her a sincere compliment.
- Discuss something you have in common. (Tongue-tied? Brainstorm topics to talk about beforehand.)
Melody suggests watching for clues. If that person has feelings for you, she says, "Usually (in my experience) there will be some signs." Like what? Paying attention to you, asking you lots of questions, talking to your friends about you, trying to make you laugh, stuff like that. Although, keep in mind that all people are different when it comes to showing their love (or like).
You think he likes you, but he's doing nothing? Try inviting him out with a group: "A bunch of us are going to a movie ...want to come?" It's a decent way of scoping out the vibe without the pressure of a one-on-one date.
Loser! Action Plans:
Here are some terrible ways to declare a crush on someone:
- having sex with him
- buying her stuff
- flirting so hard you scare him away
- not taking "no" gracefully or not being respectful of her right to turn you down
- playing hard to get by being rude
Generally, don't do anything you'll regret later or wouldn't want someone to do to you. Remember — crushes come and go, but you have to live with (and respect) yourself forever.
Crushed? Change the Channel!
If you have a crush, try to enjoy that extra shine in your life.
Moping around about a going-nowhere crush? Weston suggests "changing the channel in your mind." Get busy with other activities and people. Chat with friends, work out, play guitar. These are dynamite antidotes for the one-way-crush blues. |
|
|
|
Printable Version
Email this page