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What's the Rush?
by Theresa, 03.19.03
What Feels Right
My friends ask me why I want to wait to lose my virginity. They also ask me if I worry that my boyfriend won't be satisfied unless we have sex*. I know virginity can mean different things to people, but I'm only 17 years old and I don't feel any rush to have intercourse. After all, if my boyfriend is just sticking around for that, I'd be better off without him.
Call me cheesy, but I think losing my virginity is supposed to be special and beautiful, and I want to share it with someone I think I'll be with for a long time. I want to be in love when I share this experience and feel that my partner is also in love with me.
Some of my friends have had break-ups with people they've had sex with, and they are totally torn apart, wishing they hadn't done it. Some have sex just to have it, without any real meaning behind it and they say it doesn't even feel that great. I want to be sure that I am totally ready for sharing what I hope will be an intimate experience.
What Do We Do Instead?
People ask me this question all the time. My boyfriend was shocked when I told him that I didn't want to have sex. He has had sex before and just assumed that we would, too. He finally realized I felt strongly about waiting until I'm ready and he didn't try to sway me from my decision. We talked about other ways that we could feel close to each other.
We spent a lot of time together and he said that it was different for him to get to know someone without having any pressure to perform sexually. He also liked not having to think about pregnancy, or sexually transmitted infections. We spent our time hanging out with friends, talking a lot, watching movies and cuddling, and walking around. I felt comfortable with him. And I really started to like him.
Sometimes we were physical, even though we weren't having sex. After a while, we began to touch and explore each other's bodies. Some people call it outercourse — other kinds of sex play to make each other feel good. It was fun. I loved when we would talk about different ways that we liked to be touched. I trusted him because I knew that he wasn't spending time with me just for sex.
When Will It Happen?
When friends ask me when I'll be ready to lose my virginity, I don't have an answer for them. I tell them that I might even wait until I get married. A lot of them think I'm crazy when I say that. I want to wait. It's exciting to think about the day when I'll actually do it, but it's an experience I will hold off on until I'm totally ready.
* Sex can refer to any kind of sex play. However, in this article, the author is referring to vaginal intercourse wherever the word sex appears. |
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