 |
IN FOCUS: ARTICLE |
|
|
|
 |
|
|
Don't Have a Cow!
by Jon Platner, 02.25.03
"I realize after the fact that I was arguing over nothing, but by then, it's too late." |
|
Finally! It's opening night of the newest Harry Potter picture, and you're next in line for tickets after two hours of waiting. Suddenly, the kid in front of you is joined by three of his buddies, and the vendor hands out four tickets just before she displays the dreaded "Sold Out" sign. Your heart races, a burst of energy rushes through your body ... you feel a fight coming on.
Been There, Done That
All of us experience anger. "Sometimes, the smallest thing will get me riled up," describes Andrew, 17. "It happens with strangers, friends, family ... I just lose control."
Carrie, 15, says she fights with her best friends almost every day. "I realize after the fact that I was arguing over nothing," she explains, "but by then, it's too late."
Anger is real, but it doesn't have to control you. Tian Dayton, psychologist and author of It's My Life! A Power Journal for Teens, spoke with teenwire.com to offer some tips on dealing with anger head on.
Good Anger?
Believe it or not, anger isn't always bad. "Anger is good when it gives us useful information about ourselves that we can use to move a situation forward," explains Dr. Dayton. "Anger is bad when we express it in a blaming way and use it to hurt other people."
So how do you turn your anger into good anger?
- Expression. Find a way to talk about what's troubling you, or keep a journal. This can help you work through your anger so that you avoid "acting in" (beating up on yourself, withdrawing from others) and "acting out" (getting into fights, teasing someone).
- Time Out. Taking a step back and calming yourself when you start to feel angry can help give you control over your emotions.
- Reality Check. Try to put your anger into perspective. Are you overreacting? Will this matter in five years? Also try to see the issue from the other person's point of view.
- The Blame Game. Blaming someone else over and over again can keep you from moving forward. It's easy to get stuck in seeing yourself as a victim, but remember that you have choices and self-control.
- Be Here Now. Sometimes, unresolved anger from the past gets mixed up with anger in the present. For example, if you felt ignored by a parent at a young age, you might get extra angry with a friend or teacher who ignores you today. Separating old, unresolved anger from current situations can help you understand why you're angry now.
The Big Picture
There are also things you can do every day that will help you feel happier and healthier. Try applying these tips from Dr. Dayton to your life in general:
- Relax. Daily exercises that relax you (meditation, deep breathing) help bring your nervous system into balance. Getting enough sleep is important, too.
- Think Positively. Positive thoughts can have a big effect on your overall mood and health.
- Get Physical. Aerobic, sweaty exercise is a major stress reducer. It can produce chemicals in your body that make you feel good and help counteract anger.
- Open Up. Close relationships can relax you and help reduce a sense of isolation.
- Motivate. Pursue your interests through activities and hobbies, so that you can channel your energy in positive directions.
Managing your anger is ultimately about discovering what's really at the root of what you're feeling. As Dr. Dayton explains, "Underneath anger, we're really hurt, and we're using our anger to cover that feeling of hurt. Take a close look at the situation and examine your feelings," she suggests, "instead of acting out in ways that are harmful and avoid the real issue." |
|
|
|
Printable Version
Email this page