 |
IN FOCUS: ARTICLE |
|
|
|
 |
|
|
Home Fried
by Keely Savoie, 02.07.03
"Find all the support you can wherever you can get it." |
|
We all have a hard time dealing with our families at some point — it's a natural part of growing up. But what if your family is more than just embarrassing, annoying, or slightly weird? When your family isn't a place of love and support but a source of pain, it's important to find a way to take care of yourself.
Family strife can be a huge source of pain, whether it takes the form of constant shouting, neglect, or physical violence. Maybe your parents are going through a divorce and are constantly shouting at each other. They might be facing a stressful situation like drug or alcohol abuse, critical illness, or a financial crisis. Whatever the source of your family strife, it is important to know it's not about you.
It's Not Your Fault
"Kids are not responsible for how their families act," says Cheri Huber, author of There's Nothing Wrong With You: For Teens. But — even though you are not to blame — you can take steps to make a painful situation easier to handle for yourself. "It's not you, but you're going to have to lead the way," says Huber. "Find all the support you can wherever you can get it."
Angel, who is 15, turned to an online community for advice. "I don't like it when my mom blames me for not having money, or everything," he said. "I cry myself to sleep every night 'cause it kills me. I already have enough to worry about. And then when I try to talk to her about it, I always get yelled at. I can't ever talk to her 'cause when I do she yells at me."
The most important thing is to find some way of communicating your feelings, if not with your parents, then with someone else who can help.
"I think that writing your mom a note telling her how you feel is a great idea. My mom never listens to me either, so that is what I do. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't," suggested CaraRoo in response to Angel's story.
Looking for Help
It can be hard to figure out who to go to for support, and how to approach them. The first rule is trust your gut. Whoever you approach, make sure you feel like it is someone you can confide in comfortably.
If you feel like you might be able to get through to your parents, give it a try. Write them a note like CaraRoo does — that way they can't interrupt you — or bring up what's bothering you by telling them how you feel (don't tell them that they are doing everything wrong — that will just make them defensive). Just because they are not offering you the support you need now does not mean they are not willing or capable — they might not know what to do.
But like CaraRoo said, it's not always possible to get through to your parents. If you don't feel like your family is a safe place to turn, turn to another adult you trust. You may want to consider talking with a counselor at school or at a community organization, a religious advisor, or another adult you know.
Sometimes family strife can escalate to family violence. For your safety and for the safety of the other people living with you, it's crucial to get help from someone other than your parents if someone becomes violent in your home. You can call the National Children's Coalition Youth Crisis Hotline at 1-800-448-4663 for immediate assistance.
Having family problems can be difficult, but it doesn't have to rule your life. Getting the support you need when you need it can help turn your pain into strength to face whatever you take on next.
Here are some more helpful resources:
|
|
|
|
Printable Version
Email this page