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A Friend in Need ...
by Ray Dudley, 01.24.03
If you suspect friends are in trouble, that could be the worst time to cut them off. |
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Your best friend has always confided in you about everything — love, sex, school, parents, the works. But recently, she's been acting strangely, and she doesn't want to talk about what's going on. You've also noticed she's been partying a lot, and you wonder if she's having a problem with drinking or drugs. So how can you tell? And how can you tell her?
Reading the Signs
If you think your friend might be abusing drugs — and alcohol is a drug — it's important to pay attention. Most people believe that there is a difference between experimenting with drugs and abusing them, but everyone can agree that if people are using drugs, it can be very easy to abuse them, overdose on them, or let them run their lives. Here are some early warning signs of drug abuse to watch out for:
- emotional distance or irritable behavior
- loss of interest in usual activities
- decline in school performance
- sudden change in group of friends
- changes in sleeping or eating habits
- frequent borrowing, or even stealing, of money or other valuables
These warning signs can be about a lot of different things, including stress, family problems, or illness. But If you've noticed these warning signs in friends, you might want to think about their behavior and attitudes concerning drugs. Consider the following questions:
- Do they use drugs to cope with difficult situations?
- Have they started using drugs more frequently or in larger amounts?
- Do they conceal the amount they use from other people? Do they use drugs, including alcohol, when they're alone?
- Do they gulp drinks quickly or combine different drugs to feel the effect more quickly or intensely?
- Do they get annoyed when others comment about how much they drink or use?
- Are they uncomfortable when alcohol or drugs are not available?
- Do they seem to feel guilty about their substance use?
Talking It Out
First off, being a good friend means looking out for your buds. This is especially true when it come to drug abuse. If you suspect friends are in trouble, that could be the worst time to cut them off.
It's important to show concern. Don't be too "polite" to bring up the topic or to respond if they do. In either case, be respectful. It's better to say something like, "I'm glad you trust me enough to hear you talk about something so important," instead of, "Yeah, I always thought you had a problem."
If you initiate the discussion, it may be helpful to know that it's very common for friends to be defensive or deny having a problem. Make it clear that you're taking issue with their behavior, not with them.
"Watch out for friends who blame themselves," says Mechelle Zydenbos, a psychotherapist who works with teens. "Help them to focus on the drug abuse and not on their own sense of failure." And if your friends act defensively, understand that this behavior is based on the fear of facing the problem and has nothing to do with you personally.
You can also tell friends how their behavior affects you. For example, you can say how hard it is for you to enjoy going out together to a party because you are afraid they will get sick, pass out, or embarrass you both. It's possible that this will help them gain perspective.
Getting Help
However, don't be afraid to set boundaries. "Let your friends know that there is only so much help you can give them, and that they may need to go to another person for help," says Dr. Zydenbos. "If friends approach you under the influence, it's OK to ask them to come back to talk when they are sober."
The most important thing to know is where they can get help. Parents and teachers are important resources, but there are many organizations that help teens. Alcoholics Anonymous has a branch called Alateen that helps teens, their families, and their friends deal with alcohol abuse. Narcotics Anonymous also has resources for the families and friends of drug abusers. All three of these sites have telephone listings that can be used to find local as well as national resources.
Remember: Be honest. Be careful. Pay attention. Stay informed. |
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