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IN FOCUS: ARTICLE |
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In My Own Hands
by Theresa Solano, 09.11.02
I was scared I would never have an orgasm. I had been having sex with my boyfriend for about a year and still — nothing. I enjoyed having sex with him but a part of me was always waiting for it to happen. I had so many questions: What would it feel like? Had I missed it? Would it freak my boyfriend out? What if I never had the "Big O"? What if I couldn't have the "Big O"?
The Search
I was determined to have an orgasm, and so, my exploration began. I bought a book about women and sexual pleasure. Following the advice in the book, I used a mirror to look at my own genitalia. I couldn't believe that I didn't really know what my own vulva looked like. There it was — the inner and outer labia, the opening of the vagina, and the clitoris. I read in the book that sometimes women have trouble having an orgasm during intercourse with a partner because they also need to have stimulation to the clitoris. With my mirror in hand, I was able to see where my clitoris was cozily tucked away in its own space. I realized then that my clitoris was hardly ever stimulated during intercourse. Could this be the key?
It was helpful to learn that feeling good from sex is completely normal and very healthy. All the books and sites that I went to for help talked about masturbation. In fact, one site said that most women who have orgasms with a partner have already had an orgasm from masturbation. The site suggested that women who have never had an orgasm might want to try to masturbate to learn what feels good.
So, I psyched myself up, and I masturbated for the first time ever. It felt strange at first, and I almost felt like I was doing something I shouldn't be doing. But I consulted my resources again and learned that most people find that experimenting by touching different areas (breasts, clitoris, vaginal lips, etc.) and in different ways (rubbing slow/fast, using hard/soft pressure, massaging, inserting, etc.) helps them discover what is most pleasurable for them. After some time, I started to realize that I could make myself feel good! My earliest masturbation experiences were a special time of exploration for me.
The "Big O" Arrives
When the "Big O" finally came, I knew it right away. It felt great, like a wave passing over me. It left tingles in my body. It felt as though I had discovered a wonderful bonus to my body. And it was fun!
Eventually, I was able to share my new experience with my boyfriend and tell him that I wanted to work toward having an orgasm when we had sex. At first he was a little nervous that he might not be able to help me have one. But when he saw that we were sharing this "work," he felt more relaxed, and our sexual time together was much better. I had found the key to my own sexual pleasure! |
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