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Bi the Way ...
by Susan Diem and Wendy Riser, 07.24.02
Madonna, Mick Jagger, Michael Stipe — you've probably seen them all on MTV, but what else do they have in common? They've all either come out as bisexual or had relationships with both men and women during their lives.
Who's Bi?
Most people define "bisexual" as being attracted to both genders. But that leaves a lot of room for variety:
Girl: "I usually date women, but I've had a few boyfriends, too."
Guy: "I have a girlfriend right now and it's going really well ... but I've had a crush on this guy in my math class ALL YEAR!"
Girl: "I've only hooked up with guys ... but Natalie Portman is so gorgeous, I would definitely kiss her."
Guy: "I've had sex with both guys and girls, and I like them both. Gender doesn't matter — a person's a person!"
Or, how about this:
You slept over at your best friend's house last weekend. You're a girl, she's a girl. She kissed you, you kissed her back. You both seemed to like it. But you both have boyfriends. So what does this mean? Are you gay? Straight? Bi? Help!
Oh, the drama! But seriously — don't sweat it! First of all, it's important to remember that your sexual orientation — being gay, straight, or bisexual — can't be assigned to you — ultimately, only you know who you are. Besides, it's natural to be confused about your sexual identity — in fact, most people are at some point in their lives. There's even a name for it: questioning.
Sometimes people have experimental sex play that doesn't indicate their sexual orientation. Sometimes their sex play is an indication of their sexual orientation. Only time will tell. Sexual orientation is about sexual attraction. It can take years to understand your sexual orientation. Each of us has to answer these questions for ourselves, but it may take time before we can answer.
People often have a particularly tough time trying to categorize their feelings when they're attracted to someone of the same gender for the first time. One teen writes, "I started questioning my sexual orientation when I was at this party and I met a girl who was really cool — I couldn't figure out why I felt differently about her than I did my other female friends."
Coming Out
Coming out as bisexual can be a scary thing — you may experience pressure from both gay and straight people. One teen writes, "I was upset because some of my gay friends told me that I was just afraid to come out — that I was really gay but wouldn't admit it." Or people might say that you just can't "decide what you are" — even though sexual orientation isn't something you choose. As another teen said, "My mom couldn't understand — she kept saying that I was confused and that it's a phase I'm going through, and that as long as I'm still attracted to girls I'm still 'normal' — she just couldn't get it."
Coming out to your parents can be intimidating and scary. Before coming out to your parents, it's very important that you are sure one or both of them will be understanding, if not supportive, of your sexuality. If you don't think you can count on either of your parents to be supportive, you may want to consider talking to another trusted adult, like a teacher, counselor, sibling, or religious adviser who you think may be more supportive. That person also may be able to help you talk to your parents about your sexual orientation.
Being Who You Are
Coming to terms with your sexuality isn't the easiest thing for a teen ... and who says being a teen is easy to begin with? The good thing is, you're not alone — there are many other teens out there who are questioning their sexuality, too. So what if you do choose to identify as bisexual? Someone once said, "I think bisexuality's a great deal — it doubles your chance of getting a date on Friday night!" |
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