Many of you may be feeling anxious about some of the decisions that you face about having sex — including avoiding sexually transmitted infection and unintended pregnancy. Believe it or not, some of your parents are feeling just as anxious about the decisions you will make about sex! Some of them may be so anxious that they haven't tried to talk with you about it.
If you want to involve your parents in your decisions about protecting yourself when it comes to having sex, you can be the one to initiate the conversation.
"What's the point?" you may ask. Good question! Here are some possible benefits:
You may get good advice and counseling about how to make decisions that will be best for you.
You may increase the trust your parents have for you.
Sharing this kind of information with them may show you are ready to be making responsible decisions about sex.
You may get your parents' help finding information about birth control, safer sex, or in finding a clinician, nurse practitioner, or gynecologist.
But before you psych yourself up to talk to one or both of your parents about birth control, think about how they may react. If you think they might freak out, you may want to wait to have this discussion until you're all ready for it. In this case, you could turn to another trusted adult — maybe someone at your school or someone from a local family planning clinic. Talking to an adult you trust can give you the opportunity to rehearse what you want to say to your parents.
You should know that most parents want their children to grow up to have healthy sex lives. And healthy sexuality involves being responsible. Parents want their teens to make good decisions. And they want their children to be protected emotionally and physically. If you think mom or dad can handle a discussion about you having sex, there are some things you can say and do that may help the conversation go more smoothly.
Talking Tips
1. Getting started: Give your parents a heads-up by scheduling your talk in advance. Just say something like "Can we have a private talk tonight?" If you're nervous, it's okay to say so! Break the ice with something like, "This feels weird for me to talk about, and it may be for you, too, but I want to tell you ..."
If you don't know where to start, use a book or a magazine you've read, or a show you've watched, as a jumping-off point. And say something like, "I read about someone who had sex when she was 15 years old. What do you think about that?"
2. How do you want them to be involved? Often parents want to feel needed and involved in their children's lives. Make sure to tell them what role you want them to play in your decision-making.
You may want their valuable advice about whether or not you are ready to have a sexual relationship.
You may want them to know about the choices you are making about safer sex and birth control.
You may want them to give you suggestions about ways to protect yourself from infection and/or give you information about birth control.
You may want one or both of your parents to go with you to a family planning clinic or a gynecologist when you're ready to start using a method of birth control or for a check up if you've already started having sex.
3. Confront the situation: You might say something like, "I'm starting to make important decisions about sex, and I want to talk to you about how to protect myself from sexually transmitted infections and pregnancy."
4. Use your sexuality education: Parents want to make sure that you're informed about the risks involved in having sex. Educate yourself and tell them what you know about pregnancy, sexually transmitted infections, and how you intend to protect yourself. This may help your parents feel better about your decision.
Sexuality is a natural and normal part of life. And so is sex. Having sex is a big decision. It involves many feelings and responsibilities. Remember that even if you follow all of these tips, your parents may not agree with your decision. Be sure to consider that possibility and its possible outcomes before you try to have the conversation.
But since most parents say that they will welcome the opportunity to talk with their kids about sexuality, most of us are not disappointed when we decide to start that conversation ourselves.
Updated October 2005
Sexuality and relationship info you can trust from Planned Parenthood® Federation of America
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