Dear ghettomike,

It may be unrealistic for anyone to expect to keep an erection with just anyone they meet at a party — especially if they've been drinking or using other drugs, which make it difficult for men to stay erect. People who have sex just because they think they should, or when they are being rushed to make it happen, are often frustrated and disappointed. For guys, it can be physically impossible.

Erections are about being relaxed and being turned on. Many men experience difficulty achieving and/or maintaining the relaxation they need to get and stay erect. For most men it only happens sometimes. For others it happens quite often.

Losing an erection or being unable to become erect often results from nerves, anxiety, or using alcohol or other drugs. Sometimes men worry about performance, and sometimes they are anxious about whether or not having intercourse is the right decision, or whether they're with the right partner. And some guys become anxious and self-conscious when they are putting on condoms, especially if all of these other things are going on. Becoming aware of all of these possibilities can help a guy to make the choices he needs to make to be relaxed and turned on enough to have an erection.

If putting on a condom seems to be the only thing that interferes with erection, there are a couple of simple solutions. A guy can have his partner put the condom on him as part of sex play. This can help him stay aroused and erect. If that doesn't work, a couple can use a female condom instead. Female condoms are inserted into the vagina (or the rectum for anal sex) and men don't need to stay erect all the time to keep them to stay in place.

A guy's erection usually alternates between harder and softer during sexual intercourse, and it's possible a condom may slip off. If this happens, it's important to withdraw the penis and put on another condom. (That's why it's a good idea to have a good supply of condoms around when partners decide to have sexual intercourse.) But with a female condom, that's not an issue.

When a guy is having trouble maintaining an erection for intercourse, the couple may want to switch to another kind of sex play, like manual or oral stimulation. Since everyone has different likes and dislikes when it comes to sex, communication is key — it's important to let a partner know what feels good and what doesn't, or what's working and what's not.

Hope this information helps!

Take care,

teenwire.com^® Editors

This column is for informational purposes only and is not intended to constitute medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you have a medical problem, please call toll-free 1-800-230-PLAN for an appointment with the Planned Parenthood health center nearest you.