Dear moogle,

Sexual orientation — being lesbian, bisexual, gay, or straight — is about sexual attraction. It can take years to understand our sexual orientation. Each of us has to answer these questions for ourselves, but it may take time before we can answer. Rest assured that many teens (and adults) are still figuring out their sexuality — so what you're experiencing is more common than you might think.

As for the issue of whether or not to come out to your parents, you should be aware that every family is different, and there's no sure way of knowing how your parents will react. Generally, most parents go through these stages: shock, denial, guilt, expression of feelings, personal decision-making, and true acceptance. This process, however, can take years, and not all parents will ever be accepting.

The best way to decide whether or not to talk with your parents is to ask yourself these questions:

• Are you sure about your sexual orientation? Do you really want to declare it at this point in your life?



• Are you comfortable with your sexuality?



• Do you have the support of friends and family?



• Are you knowledgeable about the challenges that are faced by people who belong to sexual minorities?



• What's the emotional climate at home?



• What's your motive for coming out now?



• Do you have available resources to care for yourself if your parents decide not to because of your sexual identity?



• Are you financially dependent on your parents?



• What is your general relationship with your parents?



• What are their views about sexual orientation?



• Is coming out your own decision?

Exploring these questions will help you be clear about your sexuality in your own mind before coming out to your parents. Before coming out to your parents, it's very important that you are sure one or both of them will be understanding, if not supportive of your sexuality. If coming out means that you risk losing your place in the family and its support, you may need to wait until you can find a way to support yourself.

More information about dealing with these questions can be found at OutProud, where you can also find links to other Web sites that have information for gay, lesbian, and bisexual teens.

Hope this information helps!

Take care,

teenwire.com^® Editors

This column is for informational purposes only and is not intended to constitute medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you have a medical problem, please call toll-free 1-800-230-PLAN for an appointment with the Planned Parenthood health center nearest you.