Dear Angel_26,

The idea that most teens have serious problems getting along with their parents is a myth. Most teens do get along with their parents, but it is not unusual for communication between teens and parents to become more challenging during adolescence.

Open and honest communication is essential for healthy relationships — including those between parents and teenagers. During adolescence, teens are constantly faced with new challenges, are moving away from childhood dependence on their families, identify more with their peers, and they may not know how to talk about their concerns with their parents. Depending on their experience with their parents as younger children, teens may feel that they won't really be heard or that their parents will overreact to their concerns or experiences. So, keeping communication open and honest can be hard work, but it is very rewarding.

Parents can be helpful by providing good models for open and honest communication from the time their children are very young. Working on good communication skills will encourage everyone in the family to voice their concerns and may help teens and their parents come to more carefully considered decision-making.

Children learn very quickly whether or not a parent is truly available — whether or not a parent will help them make a decision or simply tell them what to do. Helping a child learn how to make good decisions for herself or himself is one of the most important things a parent can do. Although it can be very tempting (and often seem easier) for parents to leap in and solve the problem or dictate behavior, parents who try to hold back a little may ultimately be more helpful. The child will become a more independent young adult, and the doors for communication will stay open.

Teens can be helpful, too. They can try not to leap to conclusions. If they can believe their parents want to help them with difficult problems, they might find it a little easier to talk with parents. If they expect a parent to respond with a lecture and not really hear them out, they might actually get what they expect. Although it may be a little scary to think about, it is often true that the way we approach a situation has a lot to do with what happens. For example, if we approach a situation with negative expectancies, we may do things to make a negative outcome more likely. On the other hand, if a teen can try to be open and honest, then parents might also respond openly and honestly.

Hope this information helps!

Take care,

teenwire.com^® Editors

This column is for informational purposes only and is not intended to constitute medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you have a medical problem, please call toll-free 1-800-230-PLAN for an appointment with the Planned Parenthood health center nearest you.