Dear Nan13,

The first time a woman has vaginal intercourse does not have to be painful. Pain or discomfort during the first time a woman has vaginal sex have three common reasons: the inexperience or lack of attentiveness of her partner, the fact that she may be too young and her body isn't ready, and the stretching open of her hymen.

Many women are afraid of the pain that they worry they will have when their hymen is stretched open during the first time they have vaginal intercourse with a man. The hymen is a thin membrane that stretches across a woman's vaginal opening. Menstrual fluids pass through an opening in the hymen during a woman's period. However, many women are born without a hymen, some have very little hymenal tissue, and the hymens of others are stretched open during sports or other activities, such as horseback and bicycle riding. All of these factors influence whether or not initial vaginal intercourse is painful or uncomfortable for a woman.

Women who have hymenal tissue obstructing the opening to the vagina can prepare for their first intercourse by slowly stretching the hymen open with a clean finger. In rare cases, women who have very thick hymens may need to seek medical assistance to remove the obstruction.

Another common cause of pain or discomfort during vaginal intercourse — whether or not it's the first time — has to do with the amount of time the couple spends in foreplay (sexual activity before penile-vaginal sex). As a woman becomes sexually aroused, more blood flows into her genitals (this is also true for men). For a woman, this increased blood flow allows her vaginal canal to lengthen and widen. It also stimulates the production of vaginal lubrication. All these changes allow insertive sex to be more comfortable. Unfortunately, many women have vaginal intercourse before their bodies are fully aroused because their partners aren't paying attention, don't know what they're doing, or are in too much of a hurry.

Men tend to become sexually aroused more quickly than women. So, often they insert the penis before a woman's body has had time to become fully aroused. If the guy is aware of the difference in arousal speed, then he may be more willing to take his time during foreplay. This lets the vagina become sufficiently lubricated and for the woman's body to become ready for vaginal intercourse. Unfortunately, when people are first having sex, they tend to be impatient, clumsy, and self-conscious — which is why people's first experiences aren't always the greatest.

The most important key is communication. Let your partner know what is comfortable and what is not comfortable. Encourage him to take his time. Let him know that women need a longer period of stimulation than men to become fully aroused. If partners take their time, are attentive to one another's pleasure, and they communicate, there can be very little discomfort and sex can be very pleasant — even the first time.

For young women whose bodies are not ready, however, no amount of communication or foreplay will make vaginal intercourse comfortable or fun, which is another reason why so many girls wait until they're older.

Hope this information helps!

Take care,

teenwire.com^® Editors

This column is for informational purposes only and is not intended to constitute medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you have a medical problem, please call toll-free 1-800-230-PLAN for an appointment with the Planned Parenthood health center nearest you.